Disenfranchising the power of temptation

I never understood this idea of 'temptation', it's so full of crap and one sided. It simply translates to a woman being a living temptation in the society. A society which wants to regulate everything when it concerns women, from the way we dress, to the way we talk, live, walk, sit, etc, etc. It begins with 'good girls' do not speak too much, give their opinions too much, wear short clothes, make their own decisions or worse of all demand to be treated equal to men and have sex.

In case you do not agree with this conditioning, you will be told that living as you please is a temptation for men. If you speak too much, a man might be tempted to shut you up by force. If you are too opinionated and wear short clothes, men might be tempted to think of you as an open minded whore, and end up raping you. And if you demand justice, remember it was you who tempted, and your value is half that of a male witness [Not just in Islam. Conviction rate of rapists in USA is a mere 6%], so the man will get away with a pat on the shoulder, because after all, it was your fault.

In short, your choices are, being a good girl and getting married, or, being the bad girl who is treated like a whore. If you are a 'good girl', people have authority over you to treat you like cattle, cover you up in layers of clothes and present you in a marriage market, where the highest bidder will get rights to plunder your body as he pleases. By the way, in more than 35 countries, marital rape is not considered a criminal offence. There are verses in the Quran that tell a man he can sow his seed in a woman as he pleases. [2:223 security reasons]

Point here being, "As the Man pleases". It begins and ends with pleasing men and is never about a woman's own choice. While we all live in a world full of temptations, and temptations could be of many kinds, when it comes to religion, it seems that the only temptation are us women. Even the way we breath can be termed a temptation by men. Christians have a little bit better in their Bible in the form of conjugal sexual rights. As long as your rapist is your spouse, its legal honey, bear with it:

Religion talks about us women along with cattle, land and possessions [3:14]:

It seems that while the 'good girl' has the chances of getting raped by her spouse, the 'bad girl' is not safe either. The only difference is that the 'good girls' chances of getting raped are limited to one guy only, while the 'bad girls' can get it from anybody around them. Co-workers, random dudes roaming the street, boyfriends, even fathers. Actually, in my opinion this whole good and bad girl conundrum is just humbug. It is about men; when they want to be appeased, sated sexually is when they can decide about whether you are a good girl, or a bad one. Either way, we are temptress since Eve's time, who dared to pick the forbidden apple, and man has yet not forgiven us.

Here's what a sermon website has to say about temptation:

1. Temptation is a process.
2. Temptation comes from the enemy.
3. Temptation comes in beautiful packages.
4. Temptation hits us where we are weak.
5. Temptation blinds us from reality.
6. Temptation builds us up before knocking us down.
7. Temptation plays on our emotions.
8. Temptation, when given into, separates us from God.
9. Temptation, when given into, makes us its slave.
10.Temptation has a way of escape.

[Source: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/the-power-of-temptation-mark-roper-sermon-on-temptation-resisting-114513.asp]

Pontification via pornification

This is one of the articles that started it.

Why Is Everyone Getting Naked? Rashida Jones on the Pornification of Everything

For many, Rashida Jones has actually pontificated by raising the questions she did manage to raise, despite the whole idea that women’s emancipation lies in the act of rubbing their clits and baring their boobs in public. So here I am, wondering, how Rihanna's clit will get me emancipated? Or make men question how unjust society is towards women? How does Miley's butt swinging and tongue flicking at a crowd make people question taboos about women's sexuality? Oh for Pete’s sake, how do even FEMEN’s bare boobs make Muslim fanatics less fanatic?

These are the questions that keep nagging at me, just like Imran Khan’s constant demands to block NATO supply and to shoot down Drones does. I feel the polarity of our society is becoming too much to bear. Here’s another wink worthy, boob jiggly theory. ‘Trolley Problem’, which allows one to support drones that kill innocent people as collateral, but at the same time, gives them leeway to oppose a death sentence. Ah the contradictions and lovely alibis one can find theoretically in the archives of Wikipedia the great.

Or as my friend Aamer puts it, “It's the zombie apocalypse. No other explanation for so many people talking crazy shit, unaware that they're talking crazy shit.”

And if that were not crazy enough for you, try Jezebel. Where Erin Gloria Ryan claims that 'Smartphones Are Made For Giant Man-Hands'. Oblivious to I guess the countless smartphones available in the market that vary in size, specs and portability, as well as the varied physiques both men and women can possess.

Yes Aamer, either I need to be a zombie, or I need a spaceship.

Male privilege: Emotional terrorism

You might be doing something on the ground to make things better for the people and I do things while looking up my theoretical ass on social media. Do not criticize me, for I cringe when you say my theoretical understanding means nothing. It is what defines my existence, if theory flies out the window, I have no choice but to follow suit. But I must confess, my laziness makes it impossible for me to do the practical necessity as well as jumping out the window after theory. So please, have mercy!

A hypothetical dialogue. Especially for men who refuse to accept that there are certain aspects within feminism that are essentially a woman's domain. These men refuse to accept that a woman can actually have the brains to dismiss the popular narratives, be it the 'Muslimah Pride' crowd or the 'FEMEN' crowd. Just because FEMEN for 'him' is the opposite narrative to what is defined as the 'Muslim', he becomes not only offensive, but also starts derailing by resorting to straw man and obfuscation.

To the men, who have left religion behind, but have still not gotten rid of the cultural baggage... Wake up! Women have agency and within their human capacity can in fact make decisions and enact them on the world. They can have an opinion which is beyond your comprehension, and if you do not have the brains to comprehend, it does not translate to 'her' being the moral police.

However, there is something humorous too in all this. Check out his closing line: 

So what is the right method of protesting if I want to protest against the very moral status quo and the global moral police that is trying to control all my social and sexual freedoms?

Asks the man!

A rare case of Lima Syndrome?

When a man turns up and tells a woman that she's acting like the moral police by disagreeing with FEMEN's mode of protest. And that she, along with the 'global' moral police is trying to control 'his' social and sexual freedoms. My dear, that's a bit too brown, says Lolita.

Let's conclude with:

“A rape culture condones physical and emotional terrorism against women [and girls] and presents it as the norm”

(Buchwald, Fletcher, and Roth 2005, XI)

My blog post on FEMEN and Muslimah Pride that made me a part of the global moral police against a poor oppressed man: http://andaleeb-rizvi.blogspot.com/2013/04/battle-of-brands-femen-vs-islam.html 

Feminazis make you look sex-ist!

The rape apologists rear their head again. They show their ignorance and bias towards feminists, who think outside the male definition of what constitutes feminism by using American Republican, anti-abortionist nut Rush Limbaugh's vocabulary. How unimaginative and lazy. Yes, feminazi, you got it right bitch. If your feminism makes you question the status quo, and you call a sexist a sexist, you are a feminazi. Wanting to exterminate the bulls of the human species. Calling some holy men misogynists. Considering men who give rape threats future rapists, you are an uptight, ugly, fat cunt. Possibly even a lesbian. Man hating, crazy cat lady. Here's the cliche response from an average callous, religio-fascist excuse for a human being.

For this person, making jokes about rape, threatening women on the internet with rape, talking in a sexually derogatory manner are all good fun. His morals and ethics remain pure and undoubtedly chaste, since all he did was laughingly ask a woman why she is being so uptight about someone who asked her to spread her legs. I guess he often jokes like that at home too. After all, in his minuscule brain his aim is spreading laughter, and if what he is saying and doing is perfectly harmless humour, he practices what he preaches.

Here's the masterpiece by the very il-literally inclined Tayyab Tanvir, the Mango People fame guy. Enjoy the touch of his genius. ;)

Strawman galore. The man talks in innuendoes, starts asking for sexual favours. Women responds with a no. Man starts getting more sleazy and loud. Women screams no, stop it. Man goes, come on let me f*** you. This is how the logic works here. 

1- This man is sexist.

Response: You are not a feminist, but a man-hater.

2- This man supports men who gave me rape threats. This is how rape culture works. He is sexist.

Response: You are close minded because I only joke about rape and that is why support these men because they were joking too. 

3- This man supports rape threats.

Response: Fuck you stupid bitch. Come on, give me a BJ.

4- This man is harassing me sexually and is a future rapist.

Response: You are frustrated and ugly, and think every man is out there to rape you. FEMINAZI!

We have not yet even talked about how one becomes a feminazi by merely not supporting the heteronormative discourse of sexuality and gender. Probably on some other post. Here's a few more of the delusional jokers aka 'sexists'. Who chose to visit the petition page demanding PTA to unblock youtube. Wonder if they would continue upholding humour over morals if someone jokes about their religion. Ah well!

For the post on the group of intellectuals, follow https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=445339138863178&set=a.247177028679391.59192.247122628684831&type=3&theater

Sammich joke suckerpunch!

Here we go again. As if it wasn’t enough to deal with rape threats and rape apologia, the women who dared to question the divine rights of moozlim menz, now have to deal with their ad hominem and strawman arguments. Sprinkled with stupid sammich jokes, these mentally depraved men are hollering out to their partners in crime.

By the way, occasionally, their fake accounts with some stolen pictures of an adolescent girl might appear out of nowhere to lend support too. Trying to legitimize their claims by making it look like, ohhh… look whiminz are supporting us. Doesn’t work! Even if you bring in some doormat, that swoons at your lack of intelligence, and considers you a macho genius, it’s thin ice you are walking on.

Statistical data in Pakistan is highly unreliable. Women here often do not report rape due to the biased hudood laws, social stigma and family pressure. Luckily, US has a slightly better system when it comes to supporting women, therefore, more women ‘report’ rape, although the numbers might still not be accurate. Moreover, looking at the reactions to a mere blog, the way the literate men are shouting women down, calling names, recounting rape jokes, no wonder a lot of women are afraid to even mention getting raped.

Death threat? An interesting fact here is that none of the lousy, intellectually decapitated individuals attack other men. It clearly reveals their psychology, where they are incapable, or perhaps totally clueless as to having any intellectual debate with fellow specimens of their own sex. Their sole power lies in giving rape threats and in some cases death threats, as well as character assassination. Also, even if they argue with a man, they cannot argue with him on the same level. The man has to be ‘otherized’ to be dealt with. He cannot be argued with on the same level as menz. He has to be referred to as a woman in order to make him eligible for their intelligent diatribes.

More proof of the mental calibre and friction between the very few brain cells that have somehow survived. Enjoy the enlightening posts, very beautifully said and delivered I say.

There were also references to bestiality by the moozlem men, cause, hey, they didn’t learn how to have a civilized conversation with a woman who works for animal rescue. How educated of them, and decent... and er.. Moozlem. Why give trouble to your brain cells? Just give threats and mission accomplished.

Make me sammich whim-in!

Stop being a feminazi bitch and make me a sammich you whim-in! Well if that wasn't enough get ready for rape threats if you dare to question and challenge child sexual abuse, paedophilia  rape threats, rape apologia, violence against women etc. 

This is not the opinion of some person stuck between home, food and shelter problems. But the privileged bunch. Attending private universities like COMSATS. Though the Ahmedi girl's rustication incident does not leave much hope for us when it comes to the said institute. Typical response from the lot for whom feminist women are man-hating-uptight-cunts. Their only desire is make me a sammich and spread your legs. These poor ‘layndi dogs’ are clueless how to interact respectfully with the wimminz. 

Now if you think this was the worse, wait till you see the number of likes this future rapist received.

Not to forget the condescending menz for whom, oh this is so not 1856 where you talk about 'feminism and girl power'. 

And just when you think that this is the end of it. Up come the ones who enjoy certain celebrity status and make statements like, “The only reason they're sending you offensive comments is because you've made it too obvious that you'll get pissed off. These people are just messing around with you for the luls. That's why I was messing around with you because your first impression was a Male-hating-delusional-feminazi. Trust me you've never seen real sexists, go to Comics by Arslan and you'll be surprised," by Tayyab Tanvir of the Mango People fame. 

Great! So basically 'The Man Tayyab' is stating, 'My sexism is nothing compared to another guy. So it proves I am not a sexist or a rape apologist'. Since when did rape threats become mere ‘offensive comments’? 

Another brilliant comment by another brilliant dick, err man?

Wimminz are not supposed to question menz for menz know bestest. If not, then menz want BJs without PJs, for their dick, err.. brain is the most important organ in their body pliss. Even if they use it to force others.

Patriarchy is not about religion but the mindset

When I was naive, I thought only religion makes some men patriarchal. After all, the first time I rejected god was when I was eleven and I realized the inequality between men and women was a sign that god was not a women or a neutral being. However, as I grew up and interacted with many non-religious men, I was shocked to discover that some men can be patriarchal with or without religion. Being an atheist, agnostic or a freethinker does not make much of a difference. For many years I tried to work among these atheist/agnostic men, hoping things will improve. However, instead of any improvement, it seems things are only deteriorating at a breakneck speed. Here is an example from the group called PAA:

The names and pictures have been removed due to privacy reasons

Here is another beautiful example from the same group which I tweeted on February 12, 2012:

Name on this image was not hidden as it is a fake profile on FB

I want to add that my point of view as a women was also shouted down because 'women are emotional', 'over sensitive' and 'lack sense of humor'. And before anybody wants to raise a finger at me for not standing my ground to continue fighting. Being an online warrior was never my aim.

I have many such examples stalked up, but I don't have the time or energy to upload each and everyone of them. 

WTH Google?

A friend just pointed something out about Google Translate. I was skeptical so I had to run the experiment. He said, “Go to http://translate.google.com/ and write in the left textbox ‘Men are men and men should clean the house,’  and then Google will suggest, ‘Did you mean: Men are men and women should clean the house?"...

Here are the snapshots.

English to Urdu

Translated from English to Persian

I have already mentioned earlier that auto correct on Chrome, Microsoft Word and even Blogger spellcheck do not even recognize the word misandry. To hell with all these corporate claims like equal opportunity and no discrimination policies.

Updating the post, since I found two more examples.

Oh well, at least when I type, 'Men are men and men should marry men,' Google does not prompt they 'should marry women', that's something.

Let's end on a comparative note. And I'm glad I had not reached the stage where I said, "La Ilaha il-a-Google."

Confessions, fear & need for approval

I have a dislike for religious extremism and patriarchy. Rather, if it wasn’t for the rampant patriarchy in religion, and a firm belief at age 11 that Allah was indeed a man and hence the inequality between men and women, I might still have been a religious person, albeit a moderate one. For this very reason I had to hear countless lectures from friends, family, even acquaintances that I will end up being a lonely feminist.  ‘Lonely’ because men do not like women who question too much, especially if questions are somehow targeting their perception and understanding of freedom. And if men don’t like me, it means they will not woo me, and I will die an unhappy, cranky spinster like Ms Shaheen at my school.

This brings us to this extreme disdain society as a whole has against remaining single, especially in case of women. It has so many negative connotations attached. A single woman is a woe, a burden on society, and only now have I been able to rationalize this for myself a little. I figure that women in this patriarchal society only have importance as baby machines, and if they are not producing babies, they are a burden on the resources, on the family and on a society. And related to this same idea of single women being a burden, problem, temptation, etcetera etcetera are many other negative ideas, stereotypes and biases.

One idea that always annoys me, is how people keep arguing that a strong single woman who abides by rules is actually doing so because she ‘needs some’? It sounds to me the height of sexism and I have never been able to rationalize it, no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, the same traits in a man are considered a virtue. He is a man of principle, is the usual description of men who abide by rules, not that they are stuck up and need to get laid.

The other thing that bothers me is looking at some women whimpering around angry men. I observed this around me that often women try to compromise on anything and everything – with fault or without – at home, at work, in public places. Rather if women do not do so, they are looked at as domineering and controlling. However, again it seems that what is considered a good thing for a man, namely being controlling and domineering, it turns into a vise when a woman is domineering and controlling. It stupefies me to witness this imbalance and cruelty.

And last but not the least, the most cumbersome I find are the women who despite understanding (I could be totally wrong here though) misogyny and sexism, continue to tolerate sexist jokes, sexual innuendos and outright objectification of women. By the way, during my teenage years I have laughed at sexist jokes, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to admit that. It took me a while to realize that the more I laughed, the more guys got leeway, to the point where I myself became a direct object of ridicule for them. However, my excuse was I was hardly exposed to feminism at that time. I did not have unlimited access to the internet and the school library had more ‘Sweet Valley’ books and ‘Disney programs’. Meanwhile, the society insisted on feminism being an evil idea which corrupts girls and reduces them to lonely crackpots or lesbians (And I have nothing against lesbians, rather I am pro LGBT rights - thought a disclaimer was necessary here).

May be I should reconsider my assessment of other girls in that matter, although, in case of women with unlimited access to internet in this age of information, I find it difficult to forgive them. Most of us suffer from the fear of being rejected and are always striving to find approval for things we do or say, though the extent to which a person would go for this varies. I am willing to consider the idea that some girls do not want to be labeled as uptight feminists who are of course unpopular among most men, and hence laugh more than necessary on sexist jokes. What I cannot forgive them for, is joining the ranks of the men who are indulging in sexist behavior and pointing fingers at feminists for being too uptight. This behavior gives the already bloated male ego a boost. Some people do not want to be rejected by the society; some don’t want to be rejected by their family, friends or acquaintances. Staying quiet is fine, but the fear of rejection should not be an excuse to join the ranks of the aggressors.

Cruelty threshold can only increase

As humans, our threshold for negativity keeps increasing every day. Be it cruelty against animals, women, children or the society as a whole; verbal, physical abuse or our capacity and threshold to react to what we see around us. What is meant here is that in any given society, there is a certain limit of what people as a whole or as individuals can endure. And that limit is constantly pushed forward.

For example, if 9/11 had happened in Pakistan, would there have been this much affect on people’s psyche? It is not like there would have been no affects, but that the affect would have been limited and far different, because within the Pakistani context, such things are almost a norm. Similarly, if someone throws acid on a woman’s face in the US, the shock would be tenfold compared to it happening in Pakistan, or let’s say Afghanistan and Iran. However, if the same thing keeps happening in the US too, the reaction to such news or information would start to wane. In other words, repetition of violence decreases our sensitivity towards violent acts.

On an individual level, it is the same for things like drugs, let us assume a person in the early stages smoked one joint of weed a day, but with time, it changed to two joints, then three and later the person moved on to cocaine, heroin or some other more potent drug. This happens because we are all the time pushing our limits to greater extremes. Now when this happens for positive things, like a free diver holding his or her breath under water; or achieving better grades; better photography results or even buying something more expensive, it is not negative.

This whole concept takes a totally new meaning when it happens towards a negative end or while pushing limits of enduring abuse, torture etc. Porn is also one such negative aspect of our society which keeps deteriorating and getting worse. Especially in the way it depicts women. A comparison between vintage porn and contemporary porn reveals that vintage porn was not this violent. For those times, it might have been, however in our current times, it is far more disgusting, graphic and demeaning for women then it was in the past.

If there is a way out of this quagmire of extremities is uncertain. It does exist though and hence we come across more and more brutal things and extremes when it comes to entertainment, media, crime, murders, drugs et al. 

Shut up you so-called feminist...

One of the very common accusations against feminists in dialogues taken off a forum. With a hint of sarcasm.

Feminist: Most men are misogynists. If that wasn't the case, this wouldn't be a patriarchal society.

Some man get's red alert, "What? Most men meant I could be one of them. What a stupid bitch. I'm not a misogynist. She hates men. OMG, she's a lesbian, she definitely hates men." Google search: Hate for men, enter - misandry. "Oh, so she's a misandrist. Now see what I do."

Guy: Most men are not misogynists, and you would have known better if you were not a so-called feminist. Rather, you are a misandrist.

Feminist: What makes you think I hate men? If I say your jokes are sexist and that the society treats women like chattel it translates to me being a misandrist?

Guy: See, hear, hear people, this woman is only pretending to be a feminist; she actually is a misandrist and hates men. Actually she’s a frustrated spinster/virgin and hates men.

Goes to Google again: Feminism, enter – Wikipedia result. (There’s too much mumbo jumbo to read, so decides to switch to Youtube. Easier to post anti-feminist videos then read too much literature)

There onwards, continues to harp with the new found knowledge of the word misandrist and tries to throw it in with a video or two until there is not more room for rational or logical debate. The feminist decides to leave the discussion.

Misogyny starts bottom up & stays there

When it takes women to take off their clothes to be heard; or be stoned so the world knows their plight or gang raped to mark justice; no wonder most men think they are ‘not’ misogynists. These standards for being considered misogynists start bottom up and stay there. Only rapists, killers and physically abusive men are misogynists. The rest are innocent bystanders or observers with tied hands, blind eyes and sewn shut mouths.

They are mere jokers, who laugh and have fun while objectifying women, vilifying women, or shouting down on them. Oh these men, who are the victims of a patriarchal society, which incidentally, is also made up of some misogynist women. Hence, if some women can be misogynists, these men must not be judged harshly, or they will break, or might even die of suffocation.

Who will they speak to if they are told they were wrong and are continuing to be so? Won’t they just lose all their dignity and honor if they were questioned? Who can dare to correct them? Not a weak, puny woman. How dare she? How dare she question the man when she sees other women vilifying women too? Oh, how dare she use the word misogyny? How can she call a man a misogynist, when he has a wife, a girlfriend, a sister or a daughter? Has she forgotten those men who used to kill their daughters at birth? Why can she just not accept what she has been given humbly? She lives far better than how her ancestors lived.

Women, they just cannot accept they are weak physically and mentally. They cry and become upset not because they suffer injustice, but because they are psychopaths. They love violence. History is littered with how they waged war against other women and destroyed civilizations. How they raped, killed and fought each other on land, food, men.

‘These women are just misandrists, not feminists. Feminism is just a charade for them to hide their hatred for us poor, humble and innocent men. I am a feminist too, and being a man I understand far better what feminism stands for, as well as what women suffer. She is just an imbecile who thinks she understands and knows too much. But ask me, I know, she is just a misandrist. She is a radical feminist, probably a lesbian who needs some. She hates men. She wants women to be treated better than men’.

I just got done watching 'Stoning of Soraya M' and I realized how every day some woman suffers for the mere fact that she was born with the 'wrong gender'. But the world only hears when the crime against the woman is too atrocious and obvious and of the highest order. Be it female infanticide, honor killing, rape etc. Mental abuse, harassment at workplace or in public areas, domestic violence, marital rape and much more goes unnoticed and unheard. 

She’s a misandrist OMG!!!

How many times have we come across men who whine about feminists being misandrists? Men, who refuse to accept that they in any way are offending women, assume that being men, they can judge and decide what a woman feels, thinks, deciphers and understands. Such men want to whine and create an us versus them argument instead of admitting that there is a problem which needs to be addressed and solved. This behavior is rather a pattern among many of the pseudo-enlightened, know-it-all and so-called Pakistani atheist and agnostic men.

I already blogged about it a few days ago, however, today I feel the need to write more about it. Why? Because once again the same sleazy, clichéd arguments were used by men who want to justify objectification under the argument, ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘she asked for it’ as she’s dressed a certain way. They have no hesitation in saying, she’s a misandrists for calling out a man misogynist for liking sexist jokes; women are psychopaths and need to develop a sense of humor to appreciate our sexist jokes; she needs to get laid; she has hormonal problems; she is PMSing – the list is far too long, and I too tired to jot it down.

All of these accusations could actually be addressed as topics in their own right, and I might do so one day. But today again, I will stick to the accusation of misandry leveled at feminists. In my previous blog post, I wrote about the general hostility of misogynist men (incidentally that makes up most of their populace) and the occasions on which they label a woman a misandrist. This time it is about what prompts this behavior.

Mostly men who indulge in this name calling are scared shit of strong women. These women not only challenge the societal mindset, which the pseudo-enlightened thinks he does too, but they also call him out on his bullshit. So they are insecure of not only being challenged but also of losing control all together and being exposed for what they are.

Let’s admit once and for all, that guys who go all out and attack a woman for being a misandrist, and further have the nerve to whine about being discriminated against instead of admitting to their faults, are the worst semi-educated-pseudo-intellectuals suffering from a misplaced alpha male syndrome. They only prefer women whom they can patronize, lecture, manipulate and be condescending to. And if a woman cannot be fitted in any of these boxes, she must be that uncontrollable-psycho-man-hating-baby-killing-bitch (who can outmaneuver and expose his pseudo-intellectualism).

Let’s also establish here that these men are cowards. 

Most men are misogynists by default

In online debates, I am often branded as a misandrist (which is not even recognized by MSWord) by men who have a problem with harsh criticism of their sexist behavior and jokes. I often criticize men and wonder if men are misogynists by default. I also have a low opinion of men in general, because of misogyny. And apparently, having a low opinion of men is a crime in a patriarchal society. For having this low opinion I can be ‘punished’ in many ways, including being labeled a prude, anti-sex, anti-men etc, or as my mother fears, made to live a single life forever. What for me however, is most shocking is not being labeled or remaining single, but rather being meted out this attitude by atheists? It is not only shocking but disappointing. I have lesser animosity from the religious in this regard, and it is scary because atheists pride themselves on their enlightenment, critical thinking capabilities and liberal/secular ideals.

The first time I was branded a misandrist was, when I questioned men who spoke only about feminism in the sexual liberation context. I found their interest was not really in having emancipated women around them who enjoyed equal status, rather women who had no inhibitions getting in bed with them. The second time was when I raised objections to men who loved posting references to porn under the guise of freedom of speech. Third objection was regarding images of naked women or particularly of breasts as a gesture of appreciation in a public forum.

This raises several questions in my mind. One of the major one being, are many of the atheist men I interact with only so because they were looking for sexual outlets? Having been an active woman atheist among the Pakistani Atheists, I have heard several complaints from fellow women atheists that they were considered ‘easy’ in terms of sex by atheist men. Some of them even refuse to join the Pakistani atheist forum because they feel that it works more like a fraternity. In their opinion Pakistani atheist men only want to interact with women as sexual interests. Given the Pakistani context, it does make a lot of sense because of the gender segregation and restrictions on individual freedom.

Also, this brings me back to the earlier part of my post, where I mentioned the hostility of many atheist men when it comes to them facing criticism for their misogyny. If it is accepted as a hypothesis that many men find atheism to be more to their liking because they feel it gives them sexual freedom, no wonder they will be hostile when women turn out to be not so easy as they had originally expected them to be. This could also be the reason why many of them refuse to understand misogyny outside its rigid and most narrow definition, which literally just translates to hatred for women. When they translate misogyny to just hatred of women, they want to take the argument once again into the sexual aspect where women become objects of their adoration and can be fitted into neat boxes of mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives etc instead of individuals in their own right. It also is the escapist way. Defining misogyny as mere hatred easily allows men to wash their hands off of any responsibility on an individual level, because they can say, oh I have a girlfriend, if I hated women, I wouldn’t be with one.

According to sociologist Allan G Johnson, "misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female." Johnson argues that:

"Misogyny .... is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies."

Perhaps I should not be shocked and shaken each time, after all I have listened to sexist jokes, accompanied by accusations that I don’t laugh because I lack a sense of humor.  Some have even been crude enough to imply I need to get laid. All this because I dared to challenge the status quo, defined by men for women. However, the problem for me right now is not that I am being labeled a misandrist but that I need to reconcile myself to act graciously to these misogynist men.

Men who blame it on the society they live in and need time to de-configure themselves from all the misogyny which has been hardwired into them since birth. Interestingly, even at this, they are at liberty to ask for time to reconfigure, putting the burden of patience on women. So, no matter how I suffer at their hands, I have to be understanding of their psychological hang-ups, their so-called fight with the society which forces them to act the way they do.

Once again the society wants me to be the patient one being a woman, and I have to be more understanding and tactical because I am desperate for things to change?