Disenfranchising the power of temptation

I never understood this idea of 'temptation', it's so full of crap and one sided. It simply translates to a woman being a living temptation in the society. A society which wants to regulate everything when it concerns women, from the way we dress, to the way we talk, live, walk, sit, etc, etc. It begins with 'good girls' do not speak too much, give their opinions too much, wear short clothes, make their own decisions or worse of all demand to be treated equal to men and have sex.

In case you do not agree with this conditioning, you will be told that living as you please is a temptation for men. If you speak too much, a man might be tempted to shut you up by force. If you are too opinionated and wear short clothes, men might be tempted to think of you as an open minded whore, and end up raping you. And if you demand justice, remember it was you who tempted, and your value is half that of a male witness [Not just in Islam. Conviction rate of rapists in USA is a mere 6%], so the man will get away with a pat on the shoulder, because after all, it was your fault.

In short, your choices are, being a good girl and getting married, or, being the bad girl who is treated like a whore. If you are a 'good girl', people have authority over you to treat you like cattle, cover you up in layers of clothes and present you in a marriage market, where the highest bidder will get rights to plunder your body as he pleases. By the way, in more than 35 countries, marital rape is not considered a criminal offence. There are verses in the Quran that tell a man he can sow his seed in a woman as he pleases. [2:223 security reasons]

Point here being, "As the Man pleases". It begins and ends with pleasing men and is never about a woman's own choice. While we all live in a world full of temptations, and temptations could be of many kinds, when it comes to religion, it seems that the only temptation are us women. Even the way we breath can be termed a temptation by men. Christians have a little bit better in their Bible in the form of conjugal sexual rights. As long as your rapist is your spouse, its legal honey, bear with it:

Religion talks about us women along with cattle, land and possessions [3:14]:

It seems that while the 'good girl' has the chances of getting raped by her spouse, the 'bad girl' is not safe either. The only difference is that the 'good girls' chances of getting raped are limited to one guy only, while the 'bad girls' can get it from anybody around them. Co-workers, random dudes roaming the street, boyfriends, even fathers. Actually, in my opinion this whole good and bad girl conundrum is just humbug. It is about men; when they want to be appeased, sated sexually is when they can decide about whether you are a good girl, or a bad one. Either way, we are temptress since Eve's time, who dared to pick the forbidden apple, and man has yet not forgiven us.

Here's what a sermon website has to say about temptation:

1. Temptation is a process.
2. Temptation comes from the enemy.
3. Temptation comes in beautiful packages.
4. Temptation hits us where we are weak.
5. Temptation blinds us from reality.
6. Temptation builds us up before knocking us down.
7. Temptation plays on our emotions.
8. Temptation, when given into, separates us from God.
9. Temptation, when given into, makes us its slave.
10.Temptation has a way of escape.

[Source: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/the-power-of-temptation-mark-roper-sermon-on-temptation-resisting-114513.asp]

Reversing patriarchy unhealthy?

It is sad when someone who identifies himself as a feminist, tries to validate patriarchy and heteronormativity, justifying it via evolutionary psychology. The person not only sounds like a rape apologist, but by virtue of limiting gender roles to evolutionary psychology, he even gives fodder to the pro-burka/hijab bandwagon. 

Quote from Loneliberal's blog: "Some behaviours  however, are so deeply ingrained within the male psyche that fixing them could be a pathological change."

Perhaps our resident evo-psychologist is more comfortable to believe that the injustices are perpetrated due to nature and not learned behaviour. Therefore, patriarchy being natural, men have no responsibility when it comes to not being misogynists. Moreover, trying to reverse patriarchy will actually be unhealthy. Since it is healthy and natural.

Here’s another quote from the comments, “Drooling at the sight of naked women is not a learned response. I cannot imagine an adolescent male being “taught” to have an erection at the sight of a sexually-appealing female. Or a female “taught” to be turned on at the sight of a handsome man. These are instinctive behaviors. Regardless of how much he is educated, a heterosexual male would still retain his preference for tighter skin; firm, reasonably large breasts; and large, gynecoid hips (though he may deny being titillated by them, due to social restraints).”

The guy is not only stereotyping what must and does excite an individual sexually, but is also stating that one who does not fit in this box, is actually doing so due to social pressure. Basically, whatever doesn't fit in the dominant heteronormative paradigm, defined by evolutionary psychology is learned behaviour. What I would advise the author of this blog, is to first get a better understanding of what feminism is and isn't. 

PS: Perhaps, it would be so much better to cover women up in a shuttlecock burka, since men cannot help but get erect at their sight. Forget about lesbians, gays, trans-sexuals. Hell with LGBT people!

Patriarchy is not about religion but the mindset

When I was naive, I thought only religion makes some men patriarchal. After all, the first time I rejected god was when I was eleven and I realized the inequality between men and women was a sign that god was not a women or a neutral being. However, as I grew up and interacted with many non-religious men, I was shocked to discover that some men can be patriarchal with or without religion. Being an atheist, agnostic or a freethinker does not make much of a difference. For many years I tried to work among these atheist/agnostic men, hoping things will improve. However, instead of any improvement, it seems things are only deteriorating at a breakneck speed. Here is an example from the group called PAA:

The names and pictures have been removed due to privacy reasons

Here is another beautiful example from the same group which I tweeted on February 12, 2012:

Name on this image was not hidden as it is a fake profile on FB

I want to add that my point of view as a women was also shouted down because 'women are emotional', 'over sensitive' and 'lack sense of humor'. And before anybody wants to raise a finger at me for not standing my ground to continue fighting. Being an online warrior was never my aim.

I have many such examples stalked up, but I don't have the time or energy to upload each and everyone of them. 

Confessions, fear & need for approval

I have a dislike for religious extremism and patriarchy. Rather, if it wasn’t for the rampant patriarchy in religion, and a firm belief at age 11 that Allah was indeed a man and hence the inequality between men and women, I might still have been a religious person, albeit a moderate one. For this very reason I had to hear countless lectures from friends, family, even acquaintances that I will end up being a lonely feminist.  ‘Lonely’ because men do not like women who question too much, especially if questions are somehow targeting their perception and understanding of freedom. And if men don’t like me, it means they will not woo me, and I will die an unhappy, cranky spinster like Ms Shaheen at my school.

This brings us to this extreme disdain society as a whole has against remaining single, especially in case of women. It has so many negative connotations attached. A single woman is a woe, a burden on society, and only now have I been able to rationalize this for myself a little. I figure that women in this patriarchal society only have importance as baby machines, and if they are not producing babies, they are a burden on the resources, on the family and on a society. And related to this same idea of single women being a burden, problem, temptation, etcetera etcetera are many other negative ideas, stereotypes and biases.

One idea that always annoys me, is how people keep arguing that a strong single woman who abides by rules is actually doing so because she ‘needs some’? It sounds to me the height of sexism and I have never been able to rationalize it, no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, the same traits in a man are considered a virtue. He is a man of principle, is the usual description of men who abide by rules, not that they are stuck up and need to get laid.

The other thing that bothers me is looking at some women whimpering around angry men. I observed this around me that often women try to compromise on anything and everything – with fault or without – at home, at work, in public places. Rather if women do not do so, they are looked at as domineering and controlling. However, again it seems that what is considered a good thing for a man, namely being controlling and domineering, it turns into a vise when a woman is domineering and controlling. It stupefies me to witness this imbalance and cruelty.

And last but not the least, the most cumbersome I find are the women who despite understanding (I could be totally wrong here though) misogyny and sexism, continue to tolerate sexist jokes, sexual innuendos and outright objectification of women. By the way, during my teenage years I have laughed at sexist jokes, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to admit that. It took me a while to realize that the more I laughed, the more guys got leeway, to the point where I myself became a direct object of ridicule for them. However, my excuse was I was hardly exposed to feminism at that time. I did not have unlimited access to the internet and the school library had more ‘Sweet Valley’ books and ‘Disney programs’. Meanwhile, the society insisted on feminism being an evil idea which corrupts girls and reduces them to lonely crackpots or lesbians (And I have nothing against lesbians, rather I am pro LGBT rights - thought a disclaimer was necessary here).

May be I should reconsider my assessment of other girls in that matter, although, in case of women with unlimited access to internet in this age of information, I find it difficult to forgive them. Most of us suffer from the fear of being rejected and are always striving to find approval for things we do or say, though the extent to which a person would go for this varies. I am willing to consider the idea that some girls do not want to be labeled as uptight feminists who are of course unpopular among most men, and hence laugh more than necessary on sexist jokes. What I cannot forgive them for, is joining the ranks of the men who are indulging in sexist behavior and pointing fingers at feminists for being too uptight. This behavior gives the already bloated male ego a boost. Some people do not want to be rejected by the society; some don’t want to be rejected by their family, friends or acquaintances. Staying quiet is fine, but the fear of rejection should not be an excuse to join the ranks of the aggressors.