Pakistani elites' Queen Bee Syndrome

Pakistan is a class based society, be it under a democratic regime, dictatorship or a somewhat-theocratic regime. We have ministers, who come from feudal or industrial backgrounds most of the time. And our system is made in such a way, where power remains concentrated in the hands of the people, who have been born within certain families, that help them maintain their imperial status intellectually, as well as economically. It creates a system where the privileged feel threatened even by the slight questioning of their ‘rights’ that they have been accustomed to. 

One might encounter several such people on the Pakistan social media sites. Men and women flaunting their political, economic and social status on every occasion they get. Among these, there are certain quasi-empathetic ones. They criticise the elite themselves, but raise up their cudgels and contacts as soon as some middle class person states the obvious, trying to maintain a monopoly even in the virtual world.

Here is a perfect example of one such incident. Where Ayesha Sultana was cyber lynched along with several of her friends and supporters, who dared to talk back to the Pakistani ‘elite’.

The story starts two months ago, when Ayesha, a Pakistani middle class woman living in Canada, received an SOS email from H*, a woman based in Lahore on January 14, 2013. The following is an extract:

 

After receiving the SOS message, the email was forwarded to several ‘vocal’ feminists on social media, especially in Lahore. From asking Ayesha to ignore the email as spam to sending her information about some shelter, the ‘online feminist’ crowd turned out to be disappointing. One of the ‘famous twitteratti’ her words, not mine, was contacted as well. The lady has claimed to have helped several people in her life most of them tend to be ‘former’ acquaintances of hers.

Moving back to the incident that triggered the hashtag CyberBullyAyesha, by the atheist, feminist high school mentality elite crowd, suffering severely from munchausen syndrome (no pun intended). After getting disappointing answers from one of Women’s Action Forum member and the bunch that claims to be radical feminist, custodians of the Pakistan Feminist Watch lynch mob and the high and mighty cyber witch hunters. The said activist sent several messages to people who actually do not brag about what they do for women in real or virtual life.

However, angry and hurt Ayesha chose to use her right to freedom of speech, thankfully provided by Social Media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, to rant against the over-all lack of empathy when it comes to women’s issues. This is what she wrote:

3 days ago, I got an email from this girl in Lahore about abuse that she faced from her teachers at Punjab University. She was scared, she wanted to file the complaint but she didnt know how it would affect her. She was scared of her family as to how they would react. She was completely distressed and distoreted while we communicated further.
I promised her that I will try to find someone in Lahore who can actually help her as I am not aware of the vicinity.
On my search for resources, this is what I observed; The so-called feminists and elites women of Pakistan who have TIME to be indulged in intellectual masturbation all day on theories of feminism & "Oppression Olympics" were TOO BUSY to lend in their contacts for help. They were of the view that we should just throw someone to a "shelter" or be "ignored" not recognizing that shelters are NOT really the greatest option and we can provide better resources of advocacy.
I just fucking sick and tired of these "elite" & "feminist" women for whom "feminism" is an elite badge which they borrowed from middle class white women of the West & who have never done fucking ground work in their sorry ass privileged life except talk about with their "Che Guevara" caps wearing males, how life sucks!!!
#RantOfTheDay

The general statement did come out as a shocker for our ‘Feminist Queen Bees’. Ayesha, without taking any names had hit the heart of the problem, unleashing on herself the wrath of the privileged section of our society, who have far more access to internet and a lot more time due to their, ummm ‘non-worker’ status? The following are the screenshots of the insults and exchanges:

If the fiasco has stopped right there and then, things might have been hunky dory. But unfortunately (for the Pakistani privileged lot), Ayesha was not alone. She was supported by several local as well as international activists who chose to counter the personal attacks being carried out by the ‘disgruntled Queen Bees’ of the Pakistani twitter world; for whom telling Ayesha to go for psyche evaluation came as naturally as crying comes to a newborn baby. They continued to target not only Ayesha, Maleeha and I (not just for supporting her and being anti-class-system, but also for having some mental health problems) but several international activists, including Leila Zahra, Nasreen Amina and Ram Narayan.

Apparently saying cunt, bitch, and invalidating someone for having a mental disability makes the said lady a very good feminist. If the same had been done by someone, who was not friends with the 'elite' crowd, s/he would have been lynched. Here's an example from someone who refused to take any step against the lady above, for it was a personal matter. 

Tweets referring to people as Ayesha’s minions can be viewed here: 

 Maleeha Mengal has been told off by one of the Queen Bee crowd as being a ‘nobody’. In support of Ayesh she said, “We are all here to understand without interacting face to face. Words matter, if you create a hybrid of follies, you will end up making a mock out of yourself. We were there for Ayesha because, we saw, how everyone started calling her a bully when she only questioned their statuses. If they are so keen on their class, so are we, we are not privileged to automatic drifts, we get everything manually, and we go ahead of them. So why hide? Everyone can talk here online, not just the famous or elites. This is the only place where they cannot control the crowd; and we can all follow what we believe in.”

Ram Narayan from India, who works on rights of women prisoners, asked a very valid question, "Why are thy so insistent on putting people in shelters? Cause, THEY run a few and thrive. Seriously.. Dumping women in shelters fuels their own NGO business. And wearing the NGO tag as just that.. A tag."

The internet has created a fissure within the social fabric. In the past due to lack of access to communication devices and means, many people were unable to criticize or directly take to task the people who are the haves in our society. Even today, with 15 percent penetration of internet usage in Pakistan, a large majority does not have a voice to disagree with the decision makers, or even to ask for help against them. Hardly 12 percent of the total population actively use internet and even lesser use it for activism and grassroots movements. To be frank, there are no ‘grassroots’ online.

For anybody who is wondering who Ayesha Sultana is? She's an activist and blogger, who is studying forensic chemistry in Canada. She recently was nominated for the BlogHer International Activist Scholarship and will be presenting her work before a wider audience. For details: http://www.blogher.com/announcing-recipients-blogher-13-international-activist-scholarship

You can also check : http://storify.com/ashsultana/queen-bee-minions-and-elite-feminism

For reading the whole thread where Ayesha was attacked: https://www.facebook.com/goddess.chaos/posts/10151493527635817

Information about the shelter that was recommended for H*: http://aghsblog.wordpress.com/

Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy who won an Oscar filming acid burn victims, was accused of not doing what she promised Rukhsana. The case will remain obscured by conflicting accounts. For in Pakistan, media, judiciary and politicians are all for sale if one can pay the right price: http://criticalppp.com/archives/tag/sharmeen-obaid-chinoy

PS: Before anybody starts jumping the gun. All the screenshots have been made from public posts and were contributed by several people.

Honorary Guy Syndrome!

I used to identify myself as one of the guys. Or let’s say I suffered from the ‘honorary guy syndrome’. My failure to fit in with the girls around me without makeup and relevant information about latest accessories pushed me to hang out more with the boys around me. Reminds me of an incidence at school when a friend of mine asked how I had no makeup on, and how it made me less feminine. It resulted in a feeling of inadequacy and a brief complex.

Also, I was tired of listening to comments like; you need to stop being so tom-boyish; stop playing cricket on the streets; start taking interest in cooking and baking; what? You fly kites with the guys? So on and so forth. Not to forget the evilness associated with women, especially from the religious point of view.

Hadith 1:28
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."

As a teenager, it seemed that being a woman was a curse and everything associated with it meant I would be treated badly. Moreover, the guys I hung out with treated me better when I was not all ‘girly’ as they said. I would be privy to all their indiscretions, dirty street language, newest trends in ‘poondi’, crank calling, and name calling girls. Sigh!

There are things I am ashamed of. Times when the guys talked mean about the ‘girly girls’ and I never stopped them. Or they would indulge in ogling and instead of admonishing them I would be a part of the group, even agreeing that if ‘they’ dressed or acted a certain way, it was to get attention from the guys. It was a perfect case of women being ‘they’ for me.

Statements like, bad driver, duh! Of course, a woman; cranky like a typical woman; my boss is so mean, if only there was a man in her place; or telling some guy who is very emotional, fussy, or loves gossip, stop being a woman all came out without a thought. I’m sure others can add up thousands of such comments we hear in our daily lives. I guess I had a bad case of HGS!

It would probably have continued if I had not met with men who actually did not treat me like one of them, and wanted me to be the woman our patriarchal society dictates. These men wanted me to, be their pet, look pretty, learn to cook, be docile, have less opinions or in some cases no opinions and still understand the male psyche of using women like tissue papers, because hey, this is what women are made for. Remember, women dressed pretty and acted a certain way for the entertainment of the men.

This shift in my circumstances, from considering women as the other, to being a ‘woman’ myself played a huge role in my understanding of how our society literally forces us into a mould. And how great a role men play in maintaining the status quo. Now, when I hear some young women go on and on about how they are not girls because they don’t wear makeup, or don’t wear high heels, or don’t watch dramas or indulge in gossip etc etc, I let them know that they are not alone!

Feminazis make you look sex-ist!

The rape apologists rear their head again. They show their ignorance and bias towards feminists, who think outside the male definition of what constitutes feminism by using American Republican, anti-abortionist nut Rush Limbaugh's vocabulary. How unimaginative and lazy. Yes, feminazi, you got it right bitch. If your feminism makes you question the status quo, and you call a sexist a sexist, you are a feminazi. Wanting to exterminate the bulls of the human species. Calling some holy men misogynists. Considering men who give rape threats future rapists, you are an uptight, ugly, fat cunt. Possibly even a lesbian. Man hating, crazy cat lady. Here's the cliche response from an average callous, religio-fascist excuse for a human being.

For this person, making jokes about rape, threatening women on the internet with rape, talking in a sexually derogatory manner are all good fun. His morals and ethics remain pure and undoubtedly chaste, since all he did was laughingly ask a woman why she is being so uptight about someone who asked her to spread her legs. I guess he often jokes like that at home too. After all, in his minuscule brain his aim is spreading laughter, and if what he is saying and doing is perfectly harmless humour, he practices what he preaches.

Here's the masterpiece by the very il-literally inclined Tayyab Tanvir, the Mango People fame guy. Enjoy the touch of his genius. ;)

Strawman galore. The man talks in innuendoes, starts asking for sexual favours. Women responds with a no. Man starts getting more sleazy and loud. Women screams no, stop it. Man goes, come on let me f*** you. This is how the logic works here. 

1- This man is sexist.

Response: You are not a feminist, but a man-hater.

2- This man supports men who gave me rape threats. This is how rape culture works. He is sexist.

Response: You are close minded because I only joke about rape and that is why support these men because they were joking too. 

3- This man supports rape threats.

Response: Fuck you stupid bitch. Come on, give me a BJ.

4- This man is harassing me sexually and is a future rapist.

Response: You are frustrated and ugly, and think every man is out there to rape you. FEMINAZI!

We have not yet even talked about how one becomes a feminazi by merely not supporting the heteronormative discourse of sexuality and gender. Probably on some other post. Here's a few more of the delusional jokers aka 'sexists'. Who chose to visit the petition page demanding PTA to unblock youtube. Wonder if they would continue upholding humour over morals if someone jokes about their religion. Ah well!

For the post on the group of intellectuals, follow https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=445339138863178&set=a.247177028679391.59192.247122628684831&type=3&theater

Sammich joke suckerpunch!

Here we go again. As if it wasn’t enough to deal with rape threats and rape apologia, the women who dared to question the divine rights of moozlim menz, now have to deal with their ad hominem and strawman arguments. Sprinkled with stupid sammich jokes, these mentally depraved men are hollering out to their partners in crime.

By the way, occasionally, their fake accounts with some stolen pictures of an adolescent girl might appear out of nowhere to lend support too. Trying to legitimize their claims by making it look like, ohhh… look whiminz are supporting us. Doesn’t work! Even if you bring in some doormat, that swoons at your lack of intelligence, and considers you a macho genius, it’s thin ice you are walking on.

Statistical data in Pakistan is highly unreliable. Women here often do not report rape due to the biased hudood laws, social stigma and family pressure. Luckily, US has a slightly better system when it comes to supporting women, therefore, more women ‘report’ rape, although the numbers might still not be accurate. Moreover, looking at the reactions to a mere blog, the way the literate men are shouting women down, calling names, recounting rape jokes, no wonder a lot of women are afraid to even mention getting raped.

Death threat? An interesting fact here is that none of the lousy, intellectually decapitated individuals attack other men. It clearly reveals their psychology, where they are incapable, or perhaps totally clueless as to having any intellectual debate with fellow specimens of their own sex. Their sole power lies in giving rape threats and in some cases death threats, as well as character assassination. Also, even if they argue with a man, they cannot argue with him on the same level. The man has to be ‘otherized’ to be dealt with. He cannot be argued with on the same level as menz. He has to be referred to as a woman in order to make him eligible for their intelligent diatribes.

More proof of the mental calibre and friction between the very few brain cells that have somehow survived. Enjoy the enlightening posts, very beautifully said and delivered I say.

There were also references to bestiality by the moozlem men, cause, hey, they didn’t learn how to have a civilized conversation with a woman who works for animal rescue. How educated of them, and decent... and er.. Moozlem. Why give trouble to your brain cells? Just give threats and mission accomplished.

Make me sammich whim-in!

Stop being a feminazi bitch and make me a sammich you whim-in! Well if that wasn't enough get ready for rape threats if you dare to question and challenge child sexual abuse, paedophilia  rape threats, rape apologia, violence against women etc. 

This is not the opinion of some person stuck between home, food and shelter problems. But the privileged bunch. Attending private universities like COMSATS. Though the Ahmedi girl's rustication incident does not leave much hope for us when it comes to the said institute. Typical response from the lot for whom feminist women are man-hating-uptight-cunts. Their only desire is make me a sammich and spread your legs. These poor ‘layndi dogs’ are clueless how to interact respectfully with the wimminz. 

Now if you think this was the worse, wait till you see the number of likes this future rapist received.

Not to forget the condescending menz for whom, oh this is so not 1856 where you talk about 'feminism and girl power'. 

And just when you think that this is the end of it. Up come the ones who enjoy certain celebrity status and make statements like, “The only reason they're sending you offensive comments is because you've made it too obvious that you'll get pissed off. These people are just messing around with you for the luls. That's why I was messing around with you because your first impression was a Male-hating-delusional-feminazi. Trust me you've never seen real sexists, go to Comics by Arslan and you'll be surprised," by Tayyab Tanvir of the Mango People fame. 

Great! So basically 'The Man Tayyab' is stating, 'My sexism is nothing compared to another guy. So it proves I am not a sexist or a rape apologist'. Since when did rape threats become mere ‘offensive comments’? 

Another brilliant comment by another brilliant dick, err man?

Wimminz are not supposed to question menz for menz know bestest. If not, then menz want BJs without PJs, for their dick, err.. brain is the most important organ in their body pliss. Even if they use it to force others.

WTH Google?

A friend just pointed something out about Google Translate. I was skeptical so I had to run the experiment. He said, “Go to http://translate.google.com/ and write in the left textbox ‘Men are men and men should clean the house,’  and then Google will suggest, ‘Did you mean: Men are men and women should clean the house?"...

Here are the snapshots.

English to Urdu

Translated from English to Persian

I have already mentioned earlier that auto correct on Chrome, Microsoft Word and even Blogger spellcheck do not even recognize the word misandry. To hell with all these corporate claims like equal opportunity and no discrimination policies.

Updating the post, since I found two more examples.

Oh well, at least when I type, 'Men are men and men should marry men,' Google does not prompt they 'should marry women', that's something.

Let's end on a comparative note. And I'm glad I had not reached the stage where I said, "La Ilaha il-a-Google."

Confessions, fear & need for approval

I have a dislike for religious extremism and patriarchy. Rather, if it wasn’t for the rampant patriarchy in religion, and a firm belief at age 11 that Allah was indeed a man and hence the inequality between men and women, I might still have been a religious person, albeit a moderate one. For this very reason I had to hear countless lectures from friends, family, even acquaintances that I will end up being a lonely feminist.  ‘Lonely’ because men do not like women who question too much, especially if questions are somehow targeting their perception and understanding of freedom. And if men don’t like me, it means they will not woo me, and I will die an unhappy, cranky spinster like Ms Shaheen at my school.

This brings us to this extreme disdain society as a whole has against remaining single, especially in case of women. It has so many negative connotations attached. A single woman is a woe, a burden on society, and only now have I been able to rationalize this for myself a little. I figure that women in this patriarchal society only have importance as baby machines, and if they are not producing babies, they are a burden on the resources, on the family and on a society. And related to this same idea of single women being a burden, problem, temptation, etcetera etcetera are many other negative ideas, stereotypes and biases.

One idea that always annoys me, is how people keep arguing that a strong single woman who abides by rules is actually doing so because she ‘needs some’? It sounds to me the height of sexism and I have never been able to rationalize it, no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, the same traits in a man are considered a virtue. He is a man of principle, is the usual description of men who abide by rules, not that they are stuck up and need to get laid.

The other thing that bothers me is looking at some women whimpering around angry men. I observed this around me that often women try to compromise on anything and everything – with fault or without – at home, at work, in public places. Rather if women do not do so, they are looked at as domineering and controlling. However, again it seems that what is considered a good thing for a man, namely being controlling and domineering, it turns into a vise when a woman is domineering and controlling. It stupefies me to witness this imbalance and cruelty.

And last but not the least, the most cumbersome I find are the women who despite understanding (I could be totally wrong here though) misogyny and sexism, continue to tolerate sexist jokes, sexual innuendos and outright objectification of women. By the way, during my teenage years I have laughed at sexist jokes, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to admit that. It took me a while to realize that the more I laughed, the more guys got leeway, to the point where I myself became a direct object of ridicule for them. However, my excuse was I was hardly exposed to feminism at that time. I did not have unlimited access to the internet and the school library had more ‘Sweet Valley’ books and ‘Disney programs’. Meanwhile, the society insisted on feminism being an evil idea which corrupts girls and reduces them to lonely crackpots or lesbians (And I have nothing against lesbians, rather I am pro LGBT rights - thought a disclaimer was necessary here).

May be I should reconsider my assessment of other girls in that matter, although, in case of women with unlimited access to internet in this age of information, I find it difficult to forgive them. Most of us suffer from the fear of being rejected and are always striving to find approval for things we do or say, though the extent to which a person would go for this varies. I am willing to consider the idea that some girls do not want to be labeled as uptight feminists who are of course unpopular among most men, and hence laugh more than necessary on sexist jokes. What I cannot forgive them for, is joining the ranks of the men who are indulging in sexist behavior and pointing fingers at feminists for being too uptight. This behavior gives the already bloated male ego a boost. Some people do not want to be rejected by the society; some don’t want to be rejected by their family, friends or acquaintances. Staying quiet is fine, but the fear of rejection should not be an excuse to join the ranks of the aggressors.

Misogyny starts bottom up & stays there

When it takes women to take off their clothes to be heard; or be stoned so the world knows their plight or gang raped to mark justice; no wonder most men think they are ‘not’ misogynists. These standards for being considered misogynists start bottom up and stay there. Only rapists, killers and physically abusive men are misogynists. The rest are innocent bystanders or observers with tied hands, blind eyes and sewn shut mouths.

They are mere jokers, who laugh and have fun while objectifying women, vilifying women, or shouting down on them. Oh these men, who are the victims of a patriarchal society, which incidentally, is also made up of some misogynist women. Hence, if some women can be misogynists, these men must not be judged harshly, or they will break, or might even die of suffocation.

Who will they speak to if they are told they were wrong and are continuing to be so? Won’t they just lose all their dignity and honor if they were questioned? Who can dare to correct them? Not a weak, puny woman. How dare she? How dare she question the man when she sees other women vilifying women too? Oh, how dare she use the word misogyny? How can she call a man a misogynist, when he has a wife, a girlfriend, a sister or a daughter? Has she forgotten those men who used to kill their daughters at birth? Why can she just not accept what she has been given humbly? She lives far better than how her ancestors lived.

Women, they just cannot accept they are weak physically and mentally. They cry and become upset not because they suffer injustice, but because they are psychopaths. They love violence. History is littered with how they waged war against other women and destroyed civilizations. How they raped, killed and fought each other on land, food, men.

‘These women are just misandrists, not feminists. Feminism is just a charade for them to hide their hatred for us poor, humble and innocent men. I am a feminist too, and being a man I understand far better what feminism stands for, as well as what women suffer. She is just an imbecile who thinks she understands and knows too much. But ask me, I know, she is just a misandrist. She is a radical feminist, probably a lesbian who needs some. She hates men. She wants women to be treated better than men’.

I just got done watching 'Stoning of Soraya M' and I realized how every day some woman suffers for the mere fact that she was born with the 'wrong gender'. But the world only hears when the crime against the woman is too atrocious and obvious and of the highest order. Be it female infanticide, honor killing, rape etc. Mental abuse, harassment at workplace or in public areas, domestic violence, marital rape and much more goes unnoticed and unheard. 

She’s a misandrist OMG!!!

How many times have we come across men who whine about feminists being misandrists? Men, who refuse to accept that they in any way are offending women, assume that being men, they can judge and decide what a woman feels, thinks, deciphers and understands. Such men want to whine and create an us versus them argument instead of admitting that there is a problem which needs to be addressed and solved. This behavior is rather a pattern among many of the pseudo-enlightened, know-it-all and so-called Pakistani atheist and agnostic men.

I already blogged about it a few days ago, however, today I feel the need to write more about it. Why? Because once again the same sleazy, clichéd arguments were used by men who want to justify objectification under the argument, ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘she asked for it’ as she’s dressed a certain way. They have no hesitation in saying, she’s a misandrists for calling out a man misogynist for liking sexist jokes; women are psychopaths and need to develop a sense of humor to appreciate our sexist jokes; she needs to get laid; she has hormonal problems; she is PMSing – the list is far too long, and I too tired to jot it down.

All of these accusations could actually be addressed as topics in their own right, and I might do so one day. But today again, I will stick to the accusation of misandry leveled at feminists. In my previous blog post, I wrote about the general hostility of misogynist men (incidentally that makes up most of their populace) and the occasions on which they label a woman a misandrist. This time it is about what prompts this behavior.

Mostly men who indulge in this name calling are scared shit of strong women. These women not only challenge the societal mindset, which the pseudo-enlightened thinks he does too, but they also call him out on his bullshit. So they are insecure of not only being challenged but also of losing control all together and being exposed for what they are.

Let’s admit once and for all, that guys who go all out and attack a woman for being a misandrist, and further have the nerve to whine about being discriminated against instead of admitting to their faults, are the worst semi-educated-pseudo-intellectuals suffering from a misplaced alpha male syndrome. They only prefer women whom they can patronize, lecture, manipulate and be condescending to. And if a woman cannot be fitted in any of these boxes, she must be that uncontrollable-psycho-man-hating-baby-killing-bitch (who can outmaneuver and expose his pseudo-intellectualism).

Let’s also establish here that these men are cowards.