Misogyny starts bottom up & stays there

When it takes women to take off their clothes to be heard; or be stoned so the world knows their plight or gang raped to mark justice; no wonder most men think they are ‘not’ misogynists. These standards for being considered misogynists start bottom up and stay there. Only rapists, killers and physically abusive men are misogynists. The rest are innocent bystanders or observers with tied hands, blind eyes and sewn shut mouths.

They are mere jokers, who laugh and have fun while objectifying women, vilifying women, or shouting down on them. Oh these men, who are the victims of a patriarchal society, which incidentally, is also made up of some misogynist women. Hence, if some women can be misogynists, these men must not be judged harshly, or they will break, or might even die of suffocation.

Who will they speak to if they are told they were wrong and are continuing to be so? Won’t they just lose all their dignity and honor if they were questioned? Who can dare to correct them? Not a weak, puny woman. How dare she? How dare she question the man when she sees other women vilifying women too? Oh, how dare she use the word misogyny? How can she call a man a misogynist, when he has a wife, a girlfriend, a sister or a daughter? Has she forgotten those men who used to kill their daughters at birth? Why can she just not accept what she has been given humbly? She lives far better than how her ancestors lived.

Women, they just cannot accept they are weak physically and mentally. They cry and become upset not because they suffer injustice, but because they are psychopaths. They love violence. History is littered with how they waged war against other women and destroyed civilizations. How they raped, killed and fought each other on land, food, men.

‘These women are just misandrists, not feminists. Feminism is just a charade for them to hide their hatred for us poor, humble and innocent men. I am a feminist too, and being a man I understand far better what feminism stands for, as well as what women suffer. She is just an imbecile who thinks she understands and knows too much. But ask me, I know, she is just a misandrist. She is a radical feminist, probably a lesbian who needs some. She hates men. She wants women to be treated better than men’.

I just got done watching 'Stoning of Soraya M' and I realized how every day some woman suffers for the mere fact that she was born with the 'wrong gender'. But the world only hears when the crime against the woman is too atrocious and obvious and of the highest order. Be it female infanticide, honor killing, rape etc. Mental abuse, harassment at workplace or in public areas, domestic violence, marital rape and much more goes unnoticed and unheard. 

She’s a misandrist OMG!!!

How many times have we come across men who whine about feminists being misandrists? Men, who refuse to accept that they in any way are offending women, assume that being men, they can judge and decide what a woman feels, thinks, deciphers and understands. Such men want to whine and create an us versus them argument instead of admitting that there is a problem which needs to be addressed and solved. This behavior is rather a pattern among many of the pseudo-enlightened, know-it-all and so-called Pakistani atheist and agnostic men.

I already blogged about it a few days ago, however, today I feel the need to write more about it. Why? Because once again the same sleazy, clichéd arguments were used by men who want to justify objectification under the argument, ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘she asked for it’ as she’s dressed a certain way. They have no hesitation in saying, she’s a misandrists for calling out a man misogynist for liking sexist jokes; women are psychopaths and need to develop a sense of humor to appreciate our sexist jokes; she needs to get laid; she has hormonal problems; she is PMSing – the list is far too long, and I too tired to jot it down.

All of these accusations could actually be addressed as topics in their own right, and I might do so one day. But today again, I will stick to the accusation of misandry leveled at feminists. In my previous blog post, I wrote about the general hostility of misogynist men (incidentally that makes up most of their populace) and the occasions on which they label a woman a misandrist. This time it is about what prompts this behavior.

Mostly men who indulge in this name calling are scared shit of strong women. These women not only challenge the societal mindset, which the pseudo-enlightened thinks he does too, but they also call him out on his bullshit. So they are insecure of not only being challenged but also of losing control all together and being exposed for what they are.

Let’s admit once and for all, that guys who go all out and attack a woman for being a misandrist, and further have the nerve to whine about being discriminated against instead of admitting to their faults, are the worst semi-educated-pseudo-intellectuals suffering from a misplaced alpha male syndrome. They only prefer women whom they can patronize, lecture, manipulate and be condescending to. And if a woman cannot be fitted in any of these boxes, she must be that uncontrollable-psycho-man-hating-baby-killing-bitch (who can outmaneuver and expose his pseudo-intellectualism).

Let’s also establish here that these men are cowards. 

Most men are misogynists by default

In online debates, I am often branded as a misandrist (which is not even recognized by MSWord) by men who have a problem with harsh criticism of their sexist behavior and jokes. I often criticize men and wonder if men are misogynists by default. I also have a low opinion of men in general, because of misogyny. And apparently, having a low opinion of men is a crime in a patriarchal society. For having this low opinion I can be ‘punished’ in many ways, including being labeled a prude, anti-sex, anti-men etc, or as my mother fears, made to live a single life forever. What for me however, is most shocking is not being labeled or remaining single, but rather being meted out this attitude by atheists? It is not only shocking but disappointing. I have lesser animosity from the religious in this regard, and it is scary because atheists pride themselves on their enlightenment, critical thinking capabilities and liberal/secular ideals.

The first time I was branded a misandrist was, when I questioned men who spoke only about feminism in the sexual liberation context. I found their interest was not really in having emancipated women around them who enjoyed equal status, rather women who had no inhibitions getting in bed with them. The second time was when I raised objections to men who loved posting references to porn under the guise of freedom of speech. Third objection was regarding images of naked women or particularly of breasts as a gesture of appreciation in a public forum.

This raises several questions in my mind. One of the major one being, are many of the atheist men I interact with only so because they were looking for sexual outlets? Having been an active woman atheist among the Pakistani Atheists, I have heard several complaints from fellow women atheists that they were considered ‘easy’ in terms of sex by atheist men. Some of them even refuse to join the Pakistani atheist forum because they feel that it works more like a fraternity. In their opinion Pakistani atheist men only want to interact with women as sexual interests. Given the Pakistani context, it does make a lot of sense because of the gender segregation and restrictions on individual freedom.

Also, this brings me back to the earlier part of my post, where I mentioned the hostility of many atheist men when it comes to them facing criticism for their misogyny. If it is accepted as a hypothesis that many men find atheism to be more to their liking because they feel it gives them sexual freedom, no wonder they will be hostile when women turn out to be not so easy as they had originally expected them to be. This could also be the reason why many of them refuse to understand misogyny outside its rigid and most narrow definition, which literally just translates to hatred for women. When they translate misogyny to just hatred of women, they want to take the argument once again into the sexual aspect where women become objects of their adoration and can be fitted into neat boxes of mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives etc instead of individuals in their own right. It also is the escapist way. Defining misogyny as mere hatred easily allows men to wash their hands off of any responsibility on an individual level, because they can say, oh I have a girlfriend, if I hated women, I wouldn’t be with one.

According to sociologist Allan G Johnson, "misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female." Johnson argues that:

"Misogyny .... is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies."

Perhaps I should not be shocked and shaken each time, after all I have listened to sexist jokes, accompanied by accusations that I don’t laugh because I lack a sense of humor.  Some have even been crude enough to imply I need to get laid. All this because I dared to challenge the status quo, defined by men for women. However, the problem for me right now is not that I am being labeled a misandrist but that I need to reconcile myself to act graciously to these misogynist men.

Men who blame it on the society they live in and need time to de-configure themselves from all the misogyny which has been hardwired into them since birth. Interestingly, even at this, they are at liberty to ask for time to reconfigure, putting the burden of patience on women. So, no matter how I suffer at their hands, I have to be understanding of their psychological hang-ups, their so-called fight with the society which forces them to act the way they do.

Once again the society wants me to be the patient one being a woman, and I have to be more understanding and tactical because I am desperate for things to change?

Atheist ill-logic

• Reactionary #atheists' logic: #Muslims are wrong to be #patriotic in their country, but wrong again for not being patriotic in adopted ones.

• Reactionary #Facebook #atheist warrior: Immy K's are Mummy Daddy…. the leftist are Mummy Daddy.

• Islamophobe #atheist #logic: I am all for freedom of speech but I should not be called an Islamophobe by the 'apologists'.

• Hypocritical #atheist logic: I am against death penalty, but #MumtazQadri and his fans deserve it.

• #Misogynist #Atheist #logic: I am a feminist too being logical and all, but women ‘do’ tend to over-react.

• #Cultish #Atheist #logic1: #Muslims are crazy to defend prophet; Dawkins is a genius, who disagrees, is an illogical fool.

• #Cultish #Atheist #logic2: #Muslims think everyone should read and follow Quran…. Did you read ‘The God Delusion’.

• Judgmental #Atheist: I hate that I am judged for not being religious; #believers are so dumb to not question religion.

• Salafi #Atheist #logic: A #Shia can never be a ‘true’ atheist.