Domestic violence is an exaggeration

When I mentioned the recent article on Dawn.com ‘These women stayed in abusive marriages because Pakistan failed them’ and quoted HRCP for saying 90% women face some form of domestic violence, I was told it doesn't happen this much because:

1. nobody in this room beats their wife: This makes sense to all those who feel they are being held responsible for something they did not do. Violence against women should not be mentioned to keep the fragile egos of such people intact.
2. they've never seen it happen: Of course if you have never seen a woman getting a public beating, it means it cannot even happen in the privacy of her room. It simply means crazy feminists are making up things because they are PMSing.
3. I have never seen it happen and I cannot believe what I have not seen: I should only believe what I see. I can only talk about domestic violence if I see 10 women being beaten on the road daily. 
4. I am not a domestic violence victim myself: If I have not experienced it, other women have not experienced it either. I have to be a domestic violence victim myself or at least my mother has to be one for me to actually believe there is such a thing as widespread domestic violence.
5. women abuse women more than men: Men cannot be as aggressive as women, so of course it is the women who are beating the shit out of other women and the innocent men are getting blamed just because feminists are misandrists.
6. yelling is not abuse because the woman yells back too: If a woman can yell back she is not a victim and should not be considered abused. The only victims are those who can take it quietly.
7. even men cannot lodge an FIR in this country so it’s not a gender issue: It is not just the women who cannot access justice, men cannot access justice either and so it means women are not facing domestic violence.
8. 90% men in this country cannot be abusive: It is impossible to comprehend that such a large male population can be aggressive. If my friends don't beat their wives, domestic violence is a myth.
9. it’s not an urban issue: It may happen a bit in the rural areas, but urban women like my wife and my sisters are very empowered and do not face this issue.
10. it’s not an Urdu speaking issue: Punjabis and Siraikis have a culture to beat their womenfolk, whereas Pathans sell their daughters and can kill them whenever they feel their women have dishonoured them. 
11. there are 20 women in their acquaintance and only one has ever told of abuse: If a majority of women are not talking about being abused, it is not happening. Stop being a feminazi. 
12. it is an exaggeration by HRCP: HRCP is anti-Pakistan and so it highlights all the negative things about this country. 
13. HRCP is headed by Asma Jahangir who is an abusive woman: If Asma Jahangir can use abusive language, other women can too and it means they are all lying about domestic violence happening at such a massive scale.
14. children are abused more: Talk about other issues.
15. men are also abused: Make a hashtag #ViolenceAgainstHumans.
16. our wives abuse us: Women abuse as well, so it makes things equal.
17. shouting or yelling is normal discussion not abuse: This is how we talk now because women no longer have patience the way they are supposed to have. 
18. women are empowered in cities: Rural women are insignificant and can be ignored, it is the urban women who matter.
19. women are not as powerless as feminists want us to believe: Everything the feminists tell us is a lie, women are not considered The Second Sex.
20. women beat back men too: Some women beat back men and so women are not victims.
21. they heard a neighbour crying when his two wives were beating him: Algebra is wonderful. If the same number of men are being abused by women, it means nobody is a victim.
22. Dawn.com is not credible: Talking about domestic violence means one likes lies and sensationalism. 
23. women have a habit to exaggerate: Women are inferior mentally and physically and like to seek attention which is why domestic violence has been created by feminists to remain relevant.

Violence against women is a reality that is often shrugged off even in well-educated circles. Mostly people want one to cite statistics and numbers to prove that it happens as much as ‘feminists’ say it happens. And when the numbers are quoted, most people dismiss them by saying they are fuzzed or unrealistic. If that doesn’t shut the feminists up, there are always a million other topics that are more worthy of attention and discussion compared to the silly, stupid, abusive women who have nothing better to do but complain.

Unending despair: women's access versus control over finances

Globally, women are demanding for equal wages compared to men, but in Pakistan, even if a woman is earning an equal wage, her right to her own income is mostly not recognised. At the most she is gifted a gold or silver trinket, which too is either pawned or sold in the market if the man requires money at any stage.
But if she is the wife of a landless farmer, her situation is worse. Her existence is merely to assist her husband who works for a feudal on a farm where he is indentured along with his whole family, including women and children. These women and children merely add to the number of hands the head of the household has- their wages and power is zilch.
Though financial independence varies between rural and urban women as well as educated, less educated and illiterate women. Workforce participation is the highest among women with no education or those who have completed secondary school, whereas women with primary school education remain the least employed.
Perhaps this is one reason that participation of women in agriculture is higher compared to the other sectors. In Sindh, where the feudal system is still present on a larger scale, women have no bargaining power, whereas in Punjab, where landholdings have been diluted, mostly due to inheritance laws, there is a bit of room to bargain for women. Nevertheless, women do not get to have their fair share in the produce in any case; and on top of that, are held back by social obligations, including the burden of being the 'family honour'.
Hanging onto this delicate thread called ‘honour’, many women are continuously deprived of their right to refuse to work for a particular landlord, often at the risk of abuse and even rape. Worst is the situation of women who are part of the 1.7 million bonded labourers.
Many peasants are paid with a share in the crop produce, with a minimal monetary compensation, which can be as low as Rs5 per 40 kilogram of sugarcane, or Rs5 plus three kilogram of tomatoes for a day’s worth of picking tomatoes at a local landlord’s farm.
Experts have claimed countless of times that this situation can be mitigated via land reforms and distribution.
In March this year, Sindh government has reportedly distributed 55,439 acres of land among 6,000 people in 17 districts, which included 4,000 women and 1,200 men.
However, there are cases where the Sindh government allotted land to some women farmers, who later were stuck amid court cases brought against them by landlords who claim the allotted land as their property. This disparity, despite that women contribute close to 60 per cent in the rural agricultural economy, is one of the major reasons of rural to urban migration, which has its own downsides within the urban development sector. Nevertheless, urbanisation has its positives too.
With rapid urbanisation, participation of women in the workforce is increasing gradually; but again, many women, whether they work in a village or a city, do not necessarily have financial independence.
Many women, who have migrated to the cities, work as either home-based workers or domestic help, having no worker rights. Categorised under undocumented economy, their situation is dismal, with women getting Rs10 for a chickankari dress worth Rs3,000 at a flashy retail store; Rs17 a day for peeling 10 kilogram of garlic; or working eight hours a day as a maid at some NGO worker’s home for food (if lucky) and Rs1,200 a month.
But from there, it is downhill since the power over these resources is automatically taken over by the male members of a household, making a woman more vulnerable.
Though there is a difference between women working in menial jobs, and those in the white-collar sector, the access versus control matter remains.
One comes across countless stories of women domestic workers forcefully being relieved of their income by a male member; or stories of women working as teachers, doctors, engineers who have to give up their right to their own earnings due to the manoeuvrings of their partners.
Data of women’s workforce participation shows the most disproportionate numbers compared to men, especially in Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, and Sri Lanka. But what is missing in the statistics is the information regarding how many of these women actually have power over the resources they generate or have been bequeathed via inheritance or any other means.
Between 2010 and 2012 the World Bank (WB) recorded female workforce participation of the total number of women in Pakistan at 24 per cent, which increased to 25 per cent in 2013, whereas male participation remained stable at 83 per cent throughout the same periods. This means female workforce participation in Pakistan has only been above Afghanistan within the South Asian Association for Regional Cooperation (SAARC).
Among SAARC countries during the same period, women have made up the lowest percentage of workers in Afghanistan at 15 per cent in 2010 and 16 per cent between 2011 and 2013. India has been slightly ahead of Pakistan with 29 per cent in 2010, 28 per cent in 2011 and 27 per cent in both 2012-13, showing a downward trend. The highest and most stable number of women workers has been recorded in Nepal by the WB at 80 per cent during the same period, followed by Bhutan at 66 per cent between 2010 and 2012, and 67 per cent in 2013. Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, during the same period have remained stable at 57 per cent and 35 per cent respectively. Maldives is at par with Bangladesh and has a little more than double the female participation rate compared to Pakistan with 55 per cent in 2010 and 56 per cent between 2011 and 2013.
Though political parties talk of women participation in politics, and NGOs focus on women’s health, education, violence against women, and economic empowerment, the fact remains that financial independence of most women is a distant dream.
Economic empowerment of women is a game-changer in a staunchly patriarchal society. One of the most fundamental attack on a woman is deprivation of her financial rights, which is followed by food security, burden of extra manual labour, lack of reproductive rights and, more often than not, psychological battery regarding lack of financial means.

Published in The News at: http://e.thenews.com.pk/newsmag/mag/detail_article.asp?id=10513&magId=10#sthash.2vk5s7RY.dpuf

Cycle of Domestic Violence never stops!

This week was not depressive when it started, but one after another SOS call from women or their relatives about domestic abuse, physical violence and battery are getting to me now. The first one was from interior Sindh. Although the lady is safe now, she faced not only perpetual threat of rape from her father-in-law, but constant abuse and pressure from her in-laws to give in to their illegal demands.

She was emotionally, physically and financially used by not only her husband but in-laws as well. Moreover, despite having relatives in the Sindh Police Department, the woman was not helped because the policemen in her family fear their own daughters will be targeted and threatened. This is not the first such case, countless cases of abuse and violence are scattered across the globe, where women are at times left to fend for themselves. Which brings me to the next message I received from someone who I used to consider a friend until this particular incident.

A lady in Jeddah was not only being abused, but also being held hostage in the bathroom by her husband.

The person who sent me the message asked if I could give any resources that the lady can use to find help. Since it was an SOS call, I asked my friend Ayesha Sultana, who gave the following information:

The number was forwarded to the guy, who was the only person the victim called for help.

The guy reported that the victim is too paralyzed with fear to even call police. Therefore it was suggested that he can give the victim's number so people from the helpline can contact her themselves and do the necessary. However, the guy refused to do so, stating it is a family matter, and needs to be handled differently. 

Another reason he gave for not giving the victim's number, who was too traumatized to call police or the domestic abuse helpline herself was that the husband is the sole breadwinner of old parents.

Earlier, I had not thought of blogging this exchange. But I think I was wrong. People who protect or help abusers in anyway need to be exposed and publicly held accountable for not doing what is right. We do not know how the lady in Jeddah is, if she received any help or is still being held hostage by her abusive husband. As for the last exchange I had with Ali Zaidi, it went as follows:

It seems violence against women will not stop any time soon. Today, I received another message from a distraught brother, whose sister is being abused physically and verbally in Bahrain. The husbands in all three cases are highly qualified individuals, who are pursuing successful careers in engineering and finance.