Rabid Misogynist Syndrome in 'rational' men?

The world is filled with men suffering from rabid misogyny. Their view about women works in a binary. "The woman I approached and spoke to me easily is a slut, and the one who shunned me is a bitch." Either way, they love indulging in slut shaming. The height of misogyny being mainstream can be gauged from the fact that even men, who want to be identified as feminists end up showing symptoms of advanced "Rabid Misogyny Syndrome".

They repeatedly call a woman, who 'dares' to counter their bullshit a bitch. Oh, and if the bitch dares to point that they are being stereotypical, she deserves some more 'bitching'. So, one might think, wow that is so original and this guy is a lovely feminist I would never want to trust in handling "women's issues". Unless, of course one was a doormat or suffering from "mother hen syndrome". Thinking that talking 'nice' to an angry young man would not only help appease my 'motherly instincts', but also keep me as their leader.

Here's an example from the perpetual Rabid Misogynists (profile 1, 2 and 3) from a group called Rationalist Society of Pakistan (ironic, I know) who my friend Mariam loves to call a rabid dog.

In case you did not have enough of the intellectualism of this brilliant man, try reading the remaining thread filled with more rationalism, interspersed with 'bitch' as the best epithet another 'enlightened man' could come up with.

More fun here:

Oh, and not to forget he runs a page and magazine too called Rationalist Society of Pakistan. I wonder why all these narcissist men, wanting to be leaders of some sort want to identify themselves as some liberal, feminists, leftist brilliants who the 'women of Pakistan' had the good fortune to interact with. Worse are the admins and people associated with this RSOP group, who do not take a stand against such behavior. No disciplinary action is taken against these men, and the best thing they do is, send private apologies. Here's the last apology sent by RSOP founder Haider Shah on June 18, 2013, after a shitstorm created by the same misogynist man Waqas Goraya.

PS A later update, where the intelligent man decided to gift, all the women who countered his bullshit, some pads. Apparently, women who had the guts to counter this pseudo-intelligent excuse of a man, are PMSing. More misogynist bull crap by Rationalist Society of Pakistan admin.

The mushrooming of these countless rationalist, humanist, secularist societies on the Pakistani interwebs is nothing more than a gimmick to gain international attention. They use feminism as a mere 'selling point'.


NOTE: To read the screenshots, please click on the image.

Pakistani elites' Queen Bee Syndrome

Pakistan is a class based society, be it under a democratic regime, dictatorship or a somewhat-theocratic regime. We have ministers, who come from feudal or industrial backgrounds most of the time. And our system is made in such a way, where power remains concentrated in the hands of the people, who have been born within certain families, that help them maintain their imperial status intellectually, as well as economically. It creates a system where the privileged feel threatened even by the slight questioning of their ‘rights’ that they have been accustomed to. 

One might encounter several such people on the Pakistan social media sites. Men and women flaunting their political, economic and social status on every occasion they get. Among these, there are certain quasi-empathetic ones. They criticise the elite themselves, but raise up their cudgels and contacts as soon as some middle class person states the obvious, trying to maintain a monopoly even in the virtual world.

Here is a perfect example of one such incident. Where Ayesha Sultana was cyber lynched along with several of her friends and supporters, who dared to talk back to the Pakistani ‘elite’.

The story starts two months ago, when Ayesha, a Pakistani middle class woman living in Canada, received an SOS email from H*, a woman based in Lahore on January 14, 2013. The following is an extract:

 

After receiving the SOS message, the email was forwarded to several ‘vocal’ feminists on social media, especially in Lahore. From asking Ayesha to ignore the email as spam to sending her information about some shelter, the ‘online feminist’ crowd turned out to be disappointing. One of the ‘famous twitteratti’ her words, not mine, was contacted as well. The lady has claimed to have helped several people in her life most of them tend to be ‘former’ acquaintances of hers.

Moving back to the incident that triggered the hashtag CyberBullyAyesha, by the atheist, feminist high school mentality elite crowd, suffering severely from munchausen syndrome (no pun intended). After getting disappointing answers from one of Women’s Action Forum member and the bunch that claims to be radical feminist, custodians of the Pakistan Feminist Watch lynch mob and the high and mighty cyber witch hunters. The said activist sent several messages to people who actually do not brag about what they do for women in real or virtual life.

However, angry and hurt Ayesha chose to use her right to freedom of speech, thankfully provided by Social Media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, to rant against the over-all lack of empathy when it comes to women’s issues. This is what she wrote:

3 days ago, I got an email from this girl in Lahore about abuse that she faced from her teachers at Punjab University. She was scared, she wanted to file the complaint but she didnt know how it would affect her. She was scared of her family as to how they would react. She was completely distressed and distoreted while we communicated further.
I promised her that I will try to find someone in Lahore who can actually help her as I am not aware of the vicinity.
On my search for resources, this is what I observed; The so-called feminists and elites women of Pakistan who have TIME to be indulged in intellectual masturbation all day on theories of feminism & "Oppression Olympics" were TOO BUSY to lend in their contacts for help. They were of the view that we should just throw someone to a "shelter" or be "ignored" not recognizing that shelters are NOT really the greatest option and we can provide better resources of advocacy.
I just fucking sick and tired of these "elite" & "feminist" women for whom "feminism" is an elite badge which they borrowed from middle class white women of the West & who have never done fucking ground work in their sorry ass privileged life except talk about with their "Che Guevara" caps wearing males, how life sucks!!!
#RantOfTheDay

The general statement did come out as a shocker for our ‘Feminist Queen Bees’. Ayesha, without taking any names had hit the heart of the problem, unleashing on herself the wrath of the privileged section of our society, who have far more access to internet and a lot more time due to their, ummm ‘non-worker’ status? The following are the screenshots of the insults and exchanges:

If the fiasco has stopped right there and then, things might have been hunky dory. But unfortunately (for the Pakistani privileged lot), Ayesha was not alone. She was supported by several local as well as international activists who chose to counter the personal attacks being carried out by the ‘disgruntled Queen Bees’ of the Pakistani twitter world; for whom telling Ayesha to go for psyche evaluation came as naturally as crying comes to a newborn baby. They continued to target not only Ayesha, Maleeha and I (not just for supporting her and being anti-class-system, but also for having some mental health problems) but several international activists, including Leila Zahra, Nasreen Amina and Ram Narayan.

Apparently saying cunt, bitch, and invalidating someone for having a mental disability makes the said lady a very good feminist. If the same had been done by someone, who was not friends with the 'elite' crowd, s/he would have been lynched. Here's an example from someone who refused to take any step against the lady above, for it was a personal matter. 

Tweets referring to people as Ayesha’s minions can be viewed here: 

 Maleeha Mengal has been told off by one of the Queen Bee crowd as being a ‘nobody’. In support of Ayesh she said, “We are all here to understand without interacting face to face. Words matter, if you create a hybrid of follies, you will end up making a mock out of yourself. We were there for Ayesha because, we saw, how everyone started calling her a bully when she only questioned their statuses. If they are so keen on their class, so are we, we are not privileged to automatic drifts, we get everything manually, and we go ahead of them. So why hide? Everyone can talk here online, not just the famous or elites. This is the only place where they cannot control the crowd; and we can all follow what we believe in.”

Ram Narayan from India, who works on rights of women prisoners, asked a very valid question, "Why are thy so insistent on putting people in shelters? Cause, THEY run a few and thrive. Seriously.. Dumping women in shelters fuels their own NGO business. And wearing the NGO tag as just that.. A tag."

The internet has created a fissure within the social fabric. In the past due to lack of access to communication devices and means, many people were unable to criticize or directly take to task the people who are the haves in our society. Even today, with 15 percent penetration of internet usage in Pakistan, a large majority does not have a voice to disagree with the decision makers, or even to ask for help against them. Hardly 12 percent of the total population actively use internet and even lesser use it for activism and grassroots movements. To be frank, there are no ‘grassroots’ online.

For anybody who is wondering who Ayesha Sultana is? She's an activist and blogger, who is studying forensic chemistry in Canada. She recently was nominated for the BlogHer International Activist Scholarship and will be presenting her work before a wider audience. For details: http://www.blogher.com/announcing-recipients-blogher-13-international-activist-scholarship

You can also check : http://storify.com/ashsultana/queen-bee-minions-and-elite-feminism

For reading the whole thread where Ayesha was attacked: https://www.facebook.com/goddess.chaos/posts/10151493527635817

Information about the shelter that was recommended for H*: http://aghsblog.wordpress.com/

Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy who won an Oscar filming acid burn victims, was accused of not doing what she promised Rukhsana. The case will remain obscured by conflicting accounts. For in Pakistan, media, judiciary and politicians are all for sale if one can pay the right price: http://criticalppp.com/archives/tag/sharmeen-obaid-chinoy

PS: Before anybody starts jumping the gun. All the screenshots have been made from public posts and were contributed by several people.

Honorary Guy Syndrome!

I used to identify myself as one of the guys. Or let’s say I suffered from the ‘honorary guy syndrome’. My failure to fit in with the girls around me without makeup and relevant information about latest accessories pushed me to hang out more with the boys around me. Reminds me of an incidence at school when a friend of mine asked how I had no makeup on, and how it made me less feminine. It resulted in a feeling of inadequacy and a brief complex.

Also, I was tired of listening to comments like; you need to stop being so tom-boyish; stop playing cricket on the streets; start taking interest in cooking and baking; what? You fly kites with the guys? So on and so forth. Not to forget the evilness associated with women, especially from the religious point of view.

Hadith 1:28
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."

As a teenager, it seemed that being a woman was a curse and everything associated with it meant I would be treated badly. Moreover, the guys I hung out with treated me better when I was not all ‘girly’ as they said. I would be privy to all their indiscretions, dirty street language, newest trends in ‘poondi’, crank calling, and name calling girls. Sigh!

There are things I am ashamed of. Times when the guys talked mean about the ‘girly girls’ and I never stopped them. Or they would indulge in ogling and instead of admonishing them I would be a part of the group, even agreeing that if ‘they’ dressed or acted a certain way, it was to get attention from the guys. It was a perfect case of women being ‘they’ for me.

Statements like, bad driver, duh! Of course, a woman; cranky like a typical woman; my boss is so mean, if only there was a man in her place; or telling some guy who is very emotional, fussy, or loves gossip, stop being a woman all came out without a thought. I’m sure others can add up thousands of such comments we hear in our daily lives. I guess I had a bad case of HGS!

It would probably have continued if I had not met with men who actually did not treat me like one of them, and wanted me to be the woman our patriarchal society dictates. These men wanted me to, be their pet, look pretty, learn to cook, be docile, have less opinions or in some cases no opinions and still understand the male psyche of using women like tissue papers, because hey, this is what women are made for. Remember, women dressed pretty and acted a certain way for the entertainment of the men.

This shift in my circumstances, from considering women as the other, to being a ‘woman’ myself played a huge role in my understanding of how our society literally forces us into a mould. And how great a role men play in maintaining the status quo. Now, when I hear some young women go on and on about how they are not girls because they don’t wear makeup, or don’t wear high heels, or don’t watch dramas or indulge in gossip etc etc, I let them know that they are not alone!

Feminazis make you look sex-ist!

The rape apologists rear their head again. They show their ignorance and bias towards feminists, who think outside the male definition of what constitutes feminism by using American Republican, anti-abortionist nut Rush Limbaugh's vocabulary. How unimaginative and lazy. Yes, feminazi, you got it right bitch. If your feminism makes you question the status quo, and you call a sexist a sexist, you are a feminazi. Wanting to exterminate the bulls of the human species. Calling some holy men misogynists. Considering men who give rape threats future rapists, you are an uptight, ugly, fat cunt. Possibly even a lesbian. Man hating, crazy cat lady. Here's the cliche response from an average callous, religio-fascist excuse for a human being.

For this person, making jokes about rape, threatening women on the internet with rape, talking in a sexually derogatory manner are all good fun. His morals and ethics remain pure and undoubtedly chaste, since all he did was laughingly ask a woman why she is being so uptight about someone who asked her to spread her legs. I guess he often jokes like that at home too. After all, in his minuscule brain his aim is spreading laughter, and if what he is saying and doing is perfectly harmless humour, he practices what he preaches.

Here's the masterpiece by the very il-literally inclined Tayyab Tanvir, the Mango People fame guy. Enjoy the touch of his genius. ;)

Strawman galore. The man talks in innuendoes, starts asking for sexual favours. Women responds with a no. Man starts getting more sleazy and loud. Women screams no, stop it. Man goes, come on let me f*** you. This is how the logic works here. 

1- This man is sexist.

Response: You are not a feminist, but a man-hater.

2- This man supports men who gave me rape threats. This is how rape culture works. He is sexist.

Response: You are close minded because I only joke about rape and that is why support these men because they were joking too. 

3- This man supports rape threats.

Response: Fuck you stupid bitch. Come on, give me a BJ.

4- This man is harassing me sexually and is a future rapist.

Response: You are frustrated and ugly, and think every man is out there to rape you. FEMINAZI!

We have not yet even talked about how one becomes a feminazi by merely not supporting the heteronormative discourse of sexuality and gender. Probably on some other post. Here's a few more of the delusional jokers aka 'sexists'. Who chose to visit the petition page demanding PTA to unblock youtube. Wonder if they would continue upholding humour over morals if someone jokes about their religion. Ah well!

For the post on the group of intellectuals, follow https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=445339138863178&set=a.247177028679391.59192.247122628684831&type=3&theater

Sammich joke suckerpunch!

Here we go again. As if it wasn’t enough to deal with rape threats and rape apologia, the women who dared to question the divine rights of moozlim menz, now have to deal with their ad hominem and strawman arguments. Sprinkled with stupid sammich jokes, these mentally depraved men are hollering out to their partners in crime.

By the way, occasionally, their fake accounts with some stolen pictures of an adolescent girl might appear out of nowhere to lend support too. Trying to legitimize their claims by making it look like, ohhh… look whiminz are supporting us. Doesn’t work! Even if you bring in some doormat, that swoons at your lack of intelligence, and considers you a macho genius, it’s thin ice you are walking on.

Statistical data in Pakistan is highly unreliable. Women here often do not report rape due to the biased hudood laws, social stigma and family pressure. Luckily, US has a slightly better system when it comes to supporting women, therefore, more women ‘report’ rape, although the numbers might still not be accurate. Moreover, looking at the reactions to a mere blog, the way the literate men are shouting women down, calling names, recounting rape jokes, no wonder a lot of women are afraid to even mention getting raped.

Death threat? An interesting fact here is that none of the lousy, intellectually decapitated individuals attack other men. It clearly reveals their psychology, where they are incapable, or perhaps totally clueless as to having any intellectual debate with fellow specimens of their own sex. Their sole power lies in giving rape threats and in some cases death threats, as well as character assassination. Also, even if they argue with a man, they cannot argue with him on the same level. The man has to be ‘otherized’ to be dealt with. He cannot be argued with on the same level as menz. He has to be referred to as a woman in order to make him eligible for their intelligent diatribes.

More proof of the mental calibre and friction between the very few brain cells that have somehow survived. Enjoy the enlightening posts, very beautifully said and delivered I say.

There were also references to bestiality by the moozlem men, cause, hey, they didn’t learn how to have a civilized conversation with a woman who works for animal rescue. How educated of them, and decent... and er.. Moozlem. Why give trouble to your brain cells? Just give threats and mission accomplished.

WTH Google?

A friend just pointed something out about Google Translate. I was skeptical so I had to run the experiment. He said, “Go to http://translate.google.com/ and write in the left textbox ‘Men are men and men should clean the house,’  and then Google will suggest, ‘Did you mean: Men are men and women should clean the house?"...

Here are the snapshots.

English to Urdu

Translated from English to Persian

I have already mentioned earlier that auto correct on Chrome, Microsoft Word and even Blogger spellcheck do not even recognize the word misandry. To hell with all these corporate claims like equal opportunity and no discrimination policies.

Updating the post, since I found two more examples.

Oh well, at least when I type, 'Men are men and men should marry men,' Google does not prompt they 'should marry women', that's something.

Let's end on a comparative note. And I'm glad I had not reached the stage where I said, "La Ilaha il-a-Google."

Media encouraging vigilantes

It seems Samaa TV takes the cake for being the most ridiculous and sick channel, even worse than GEO when it comes to monopolizing public sentiments about any controversial issues. The Pakistani electronic media often indulges in different tactics to have higher TRPs, for which it keeps stooping lower and lower.

The following is a clip from Maya Khan’s program on Samaa TV, Subha Sawerey, where a bunch of women from different walks of life visit public parks and chase 'dating' couples. They use their own personal moral sticks to measure the rightness and wrongness of such dating and harass dating couples. This attitude was wrong and presumptuous on so many levels, that one cannot even fully comprehend it. Foremost being the idea, that any man or woman hanging out together, early in the morning have to be on a date. They could not be friends hanging out together, they could not be sitting their for a discussion or to just enjoy the fresh air, they have to be 'dating'.

The clip starts with dehumanizing sentences like, “Kuch nazar aaya, koye nazar aaya?” (Did you see something or someone?) And some guy saying, “In jagaon par bohat kuch hai,” (There is a lot in these places) as if they are not talking about dating couples, rather objects who are not flesh and blood. As if that was not insulting enough, the women run in different directions saying, “Wo dekho, wahan aik hai,” (Look there’s one [couple]) It is not only disappointing but worrisome to see these women chasing young men and women who are already so oppressed in the society. Another worrisome aspect is the way they blame mostly the women for their behavior. Their comments and words reek of misogyny and hatred for women. It is one of the most perfect examples showcasing the generation whose minds were mutilated by the Zia regime.

One can be a liar, cheater, ‘rishwatkhor’, but as long as one wears a burka and keeps their pants above the ankles or at least condemns the liberals, they can wear the label of being the pious. Interestingly, the double standards of this moral brigade become very much apparent, when Maya Khan lies about the mic and camera being turned off while talking to one of the couples. It shows the double standards we have as a society. It was disgusting to watch her lie so blatantly; however, most people of the ‘ghairat’ brigade will not even notice that. They would only praise this stupid moral brigade.

This sort of behavior might end up prompting people to start taking matters in their own hands. Let’s not forget the incident of the Sialkot brothers, Salman Taseer, countless mob lynching incidents of Ahmedis and Shias all over Pakistan. Public vigilantes in Pakistan are becoming more and more of a problem. The Pakistani legislation is not as much to blame as the people themselves who resort to such moral policing and that too in public areas. Programs further encouraging the already prevalent riot mind set in the Pakistani society are dangerous and should be held responsible. Let us not forget that it was also Samaa TV’s Meher Bukhari who instigated hate against Governor Salman Taseer, resulting in his death at the hands of a fanatic Muslim.

For complaints against Sama TV follow the link: http://www.pemra.gov.pk/feedback/

Confessions, fear & need for approval

I have a dislike for religious extremism and patriarchy. Rather, if it wasn’t for the rampant patriarchy in religion, and a firm belief at age 11 that Allah was indeed a man and hence the inequality between men and women, I might still have been a religious person, albeit a moderate one. For this very reason I had to hear countless lectures from friends, family, even acquaintances that I will end up being a lonely feminist.  ‘Lonely’ because men do not like women who question too much, especially if questions are somehow targeting their perception and understanding of freedom. And if men don’t like me, it means they will not woo me, and I will die an unhappy, cranky spinster like Ms Shaheen at my school.

This brings us to this extreme disdain society as a whole has against remaining single, especially in case of women. It has so many negative connotations attached. A single woman is a woe, a burden on society, and only now have I been able to rationalize this for myself a little. I figure that women in this patriarchal society only have importance as baby machines, and if they are not producing babies, they are a burden on the resources, on the family and on a society. And related to this same idea of single women being a burden, problem, temptation, etcetera etcetera are many other negative ideas, stereotypes and biases.

One idea that always annoys me, is how people keep arguing that a strong single woman who abides by rules is actually doing so because she ‘needs some’? It sounds to me the height of sexism and I have never been able to rationalize it, no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, the same traits in a man are considered a virtue. He is a man of principle, is the usual description of men who abide by rules, not that they are stuck up and need to get laid.

The other thing that bothers me is looking at some women whimpering around angry men. I observed this around me that often women try to compromise on anything and everything – with fault or without – at home, at work, in public places. Rather if women do not do so, they are looked at as domineering and controlling. However, again it seems that what is considered a good thing for a man, namely being controlling and domineering, it turns into a vise when a woman is domineering and controlling. It stupefies me to witness this imbalance and cruelty.

And last but not the least, the most cumbersome I find are the women who despite understanding (I could be totally wrong here though) misogyny and sexism, continue to tolerate sexist jokes, sexual innuendos and outright objectification of women. By the way, during my teenage years I have laughed at sexist jokes, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to admit that. It took me a while to realize that the more I laughed, the more guys got leeway, to the point where I myself became a direct object of ridicule for them. However, my excuse was I was hardly exposed to feminism at that time. I did not have unlimited access to the internet and the school library had more ‘Sweet Valley’ books and ‘Disney programs’. Meanwhile, the society insisted on feminism being an evil idea which corrupts girls and reduces them to lonely crackpots or lesbians (And I have nothing against lesbians, rather I am pro LGBT rights - thought a disclaimer was necessary here).

May be I should reconsider my assessment of other girls in that matter, although, in case of women with unlimited access to internet in this age of information, I find it difficult to forgive them. Most of us suffer from the fear of being rejected and are always striving to find approval for things we do or say, though the extent to which a person would go for this varies. I am willing to consider the idea that some girls do not want to be labeled as uptight feminists who are of course unpopular among most men, and hence laugh more than necessary on sexist jokes. What I cannot forgive them for, is joining the ranks of the men who are indulging in sexist behavior and pointing fingers at feminists for being too uptight. This behavior gives the already bloated male ego a boost. Some people do not want to be rejected by the society; some don’t want to be rejected by their family, friends or acquaintances. Staying quiet is fine, but the fear of rejection should not be an excuse to join the ranks of the aggressors.

Shut up you so-called feminist...

One of the very common accusations against feminists in dialogues taken off a forum. With a hint of sarcasm.

Feminist: Most men are misogynists. If that wasn't the case, this wouldn't be a patriarchal society.

Some man get's red alert, "What? Most men meant I could be one of them. What a stupid bitch. I'm not a misogynist. She hates men. OMG, she's a lesbian, she definitely hates men." Google search: Hate for men, enter - misandry. "Oh, so she's a misandrist. Now see what I do."

Guy: Most men are not misogynists, and you would have known better if you were not a so-called feminist. Rather, you are a misandrist.

Feminist: What makes you think I hate men? If I say your jokes are sexist and that the society treats women like chattel it translates to me being a misandrist?

Guy: See, hear, hear people, this woman is only pretending to be a feminist; she actually is a misandrist and hates men. Actually she’s a frustrated spinster/virgin and hates men.

Goes to Google again: Feminism, enter – Wikipedia result. (There’s too much mumbo jumbo to read, so decides to switch to Youtube. Easier to post anti-feminist videos then read too much literature)

There onwards, continues to harp with the new found knowledge of the word misandrist and tries to throw it in with a video or two until there is not more room for rational or logical debate. The feminist decides to leave the discussion.

She’s a misandrist OMG!!!

How many times have we come across men who whine about feminists being misandrists? Men, who refuse to accept that they in any way are offending women, assume that being men, they can judge and decide what a woman feels, thinks, deciphers and understands. Such men want to whine and create an us versus them argument instead of admitting that there is a problem which needs to be addressed and solved. This behavior is rather a pattern among many of the pseudo-enlightened, know-it-all and so-called Pakistani atheist and agnostic men.

I already blogged about it a few days ago, however, today I feel the need to write more about it. Why? Because once again the same sleazy, clichéd arguments were used by men who want to justify objectification under the argument, ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘she asked for it’ as she’s dressed a certain way. They have no hesitation in saying, she’s a misandrists for calling out a man misogynist for liking sexist jokes; women are psychopaths and need to develop a sense of humor to appreciate our sexist jokes; she needs to get laid; she has hormonal problems; she is PMSing – the list is far too long, and I too tired to jot it down.

All of these accusations could actually be addressed as topics in their own right, and I might do so one day. But today again, I will stick to the accusation of misandry leveled at feminists. In my previous blog post, I wrote about the general hostility of misogynist men (incidentally that makes up most of their populace) and the occasions on which they label a woman a misandrist. This time it is about what prompts this behavior.

Mostly men who indulge in this name calling are scared shit of strong women. These women not only challenge the societal mindset, which the pseudo-enlightened thinks he does too, but they also call him out on his bullshit. So they are insecure of not only being challenged but also of losing control all together and being exposed for what they are.

Let’s admit once and for all, that guys who go all out and attack a woman for being a misandrist, and further have the nerve to whine about being discriminated against instead of admitting to their faults, are the worst semi-educated-pseudo-intellectuals suffering from a misplaced alpha male syndrome. They only prefer women whom they can patronize, lecture, manipulate and be condescending to. And if a woman cannot be fitted in any of these boxes, she must be that uncontrollable-psycho-man-hating-baby-killing-bitch (who can outmaneuver and expose his pseudo-intellectualism).

Let’s also establish here that these men are cowards. 

Most men are misogynists by default

In online debates, I am often branded as a misandrist (which is not even recognized by MSWord) by men who have a problem with harsh criticism of their sexist behavior and jokes. I often criticize men and wonder if men are misogynists by default. I also have a low opinion of men in general, because of misogyny. And apparently, having a low opinion of men is a crime in a patriarchal society. For having this low opinion I can be ‘punished’ in many ways, including being labeled a prude, anti-sex, anti-men etc, or as my mother fears, made to live a single life forever. What for me however, is most shocking is not being labeled or remaining single, but rather being meted out this attitude by atheists? It is not only shocking but disappointing. I have lesser animosity from the religious in this regard, and it is scary because atheists pride themselves on their enlightenment, critical thinking capabilities and liberal/secular ideals.

The first time I was branded a misandrist was, when I questioned men who spoke only about feminism in the sexual liberation context. I found their interest was not really in having emancipated women around them who enjoyed equal status, rather women who had no inhibitions getting in bed with them. The second time was when I raised objections to men who loved posting references to porn under the guise of freedom of speech. Third objection was regarding images of naked women or particularly of breasts as a gesture of appreciation in a public forum.

This raises several questions in my mind. One of the major one being, are many of the atheist men I interact with only so because they were looking for sexual outlets? Having been an active woman atheist among the Pakistani Atheists, I have heard several complaints from fellow women atheists that they were considered ‘easy’ in terms of sex by atheist men. Some of them even refuse to join the Pakistani atheist forum because they feel that it works more like a fraternity. In their opinion Pakistani atheist men only want to interact with women as sexual interests. Given the Pakistani context, it does make a lot of sense because of the gender segregation and restrictions on individual freedom.

Also, this brings me back to the earlier part of my post, where I mentioned the hostility of many atheist men when it comes to them facing criticism for their misogyny. If it is accepted as a hypothesis that many men find atheism to be more to their liking because they feel it gives them sexual freedom, no wonder they will be hostile when women turn out to be not so easy as they had originally expected them to be. This could also be the reason why many of them refuse to understand misogyny outside its rigid and most narrow definition, which literally just translates to hatred for women. When they translate misogyny to just hatred of women, they want to take the argument once again into the sexual aspect where women become objects of their adoration and can be fitted into neat boxes of mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives etc instead of individuals in their own right. It also is the escapist way. Defining misogyny as mere hatred easily allows men to wash their hands off of any responsibility on an individual level, because they can say, oh I have a girlfriend, if I hated women, I wouldn’t be with one.

According to sociologist Allan G Johnson, "misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female." Johnson argues that:

"Misogyny .... is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies."

Perhaps I should not be shocked and shaken each time, after all I have listened to sexist jokes, accompanied by accusations that I don’t laugh because I lack a sense of humor.  Some have even been crude enough to imply I need to get laid. All this because I dared to challenge the status quo, defined by men for women. However, the problem for me right now is not that I am being labeled a misandrist but that I need to reconcile myself to act graciously to these misogynist men.

Men who blame it on the society they live in and need time to de-configure themselves from all the misogyny which has been hardwired into them since birth. Interestingly, even at this, they are at liberty to ask for time to reconfigure, putting the burden of patience on women. So, no matter how I suffer at their hands, I have to be understanding of their psychological hang-ups, their so-called fight with the society which forces them to act the way they do.

Once again the society wants me to be the patient one being a woman, and I have to be more understanding and tactical because I am desperate for things to change?