Disenfranchising the power of temptation

I never understood this idea of 'temptation', it's so full of crap and one sided. It simply translates to a woman being a living temptation in the society. A society which wants to regulate everything when it concerns women, from the way we dress, to the way we talk, live, walk, sit, etc, etc. It begins with 'good girls' do not speak too much, give their opinions too much, wear short clothes, make their own decisions or worse of all demand to be treated equal to men and have sex.

In case you do not agree with this conditioning, you will be told that living as you please is a temptation for men. If you speak too much, a man might be tempted to shut you up by force. If you are too opinionated and wear short clothes, men might be tempted to think of you as an open minded whore, and end up raping you. And if you demand justice, remember it was you who tempted, and your value is half that of a male witness [Not just in Islam. Conviction rate of rapists in USA is a mere 6%], so the man will get away with a pat on the shoulder, because after all, it was your fault.

In short, your choices are, being a good girl and getting married, or, being the bad girl who is treated like a whore. If you are a 'good girl', people have authority over you to treat you like cattle, cover you up in layers of clothes and present you in a marriage market, where the highest bidder will get rights to plunder your body as he pleases. By the way, in more than 35 countries, marital rape is not considered a criminal offence. There are verses in the Quran that tell a man he can sow his seed in a woman as he pleases. [2:223 security reasons]

Point here being, "As the Man pleases". It begins and ends with pleasing men and is never about a woman's own choice. While we all live in a world full of temptations, and temptations could be of many kinds, when it comes to religion, it seems that the only temptation are us women. Even the way we breath can be termed a temptation by men. Christians have a little bit better in their Bible in the form of conjugal sexual rights. As long as your rapist is your spouse, its legal honey, bear with it:

Religion talks about us women along with cattle, land and possessions [3:14]:

It seems that while the 'good girl' has the chances of getting raped by her spouse, the 'bad girl' is not safe either. The only difference is that the 'good girls' chances of getting raped are limited to one guy only, while the 'bad girls' can get it from anybody around them. Co-workers, random dudes roaming the street, boyfriends, even fathers. Actually, in my opinion this whole good and bad girl conundrum is just humbug. It is about men; when they want to be appeased, sated sexually is when they can decide about whether you are a good girl, or a bad one. Either way, we are temptress since Eve's time, who dared to pick the forbidden apple, and man has yet not forgiven us.

Here's what a sermon website has to say about temptation:

1. Temptation is a process.
2. Temptation comes from the enemy.
3. Temptation comes in beautiful packages.
4. Temptation hits us where we are weak.
5. Temptation blinds us from reality.
6. Temptation builds us up before knocking us down.
7. Temptation plays on our emotions.
8. Temptation, when given into, separates us from God.
9. Temptation, when given into, makes us its slave.
10.Temptation has a way of escape.

[Source: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/the-power-of-temptation-mark-roper-sermon-on-temptation-resisting-114513.asp]

You lack honesty

If you think an independent woman, who refuses to ‘deal with your shit’ and tells it to your face is ‘ill mannered’, at least be honest enough to admit being a misogynist. Stop fooling yourself and others. Misogyny among desi men is so common, that they even refuse to acknowledge its a problem. For them, it is always a trait in the ‘other’ guys.

via Tumblr http://andaleebrizvi.tumblr.com/post/51280806261

Male privilege: Emotional terrorism

You might be doing something on the ground to make things better for the people and I do things while looking up my theoretical ass on social media. Do not criticize me, for I cringe when you say my theoretical understanding means nothing. It is what defines my existence, if theory flies out the window, I have no choice but to follow suit. But I must confess, my laziness makes it impossible for me to do the practical necessity as well as jumping out the window after theory. So please, have mercy!

A hypothetical dialogue. Especially for men who refuse to accept that there are certain aspects within feminism that are essentially a woman's domain. These men refuse to accept that a woman can actually have the brains to dismiss the popular narratives, be it the 'Muslimah Pride' crowd or the 'FEMEN' crowd. Just because FEMEN for 'him' is the opposite narrative to what is defined as the 'Muslim', he becomes not only offensive, but also starts derailing by resorting to straw man and obfuscation.

To the men, who have left religion behind, but have still not gotten rid of the cultural baggage... Wake up! Women have agency and within their human capacity can in fact make decisions and enact them on the world. They can have an opinion which is beyond your comprehension, and if you do not have the brains to comprehend, it does not translate to 'her' being the moral police.

However, there is something humorous too in all this. Check out his closing line: 

So what is the right method of protesting if I want to protest against the very moral status quo and the global moral police that is trying to control all my social and sexual freedoms?

Asks the man!

A rare case of Lima Syndrome?

When a man turns up and tells a woman that she's acting like the moral police by disagreeing with FEMEN's mode of protest. And that she, along with the 'global' moral police is trying to control 'his' social and sexual freedoms. My dear, that's a bit too brown, says Lolita.

Let's conclude with:

“A rape culture condones physical and emotional terrorism against women [and girls] and presents it as the norm”

(Buchwald, Fletcher, and Roth 2005, XI)

My blog post on FEMEN and Muslimah Pride that made me a part of the global moral police against a poor oppressed man: http://andaleeb-rizvi.blogspot.com/2013/04/battle-of-brands-femen-vs-islam.html 

Honorary Guy Syndrome!

I used to identify myself as one of the guys. Or let’s say I suffered from the ‘honorary guy syndrome’. My failure to fit in with the girls around me without makeup and relevant information about latest accessories pushed me to hang out more with the boys around me. Reminds me of an incidence at school when a friend of mine asked how I had no makeup on, and how it made me less feminine. It resulted in a feeling of inadequacy and a brief complex.

Also, I was tired of listening to comments like; you need to stop being so tom-boyish; stop playing cricket on the streets; start taking interest in cooking and baking; what? You fly kites with the guys? So on and so forth. Not to forget the evilness associated with women, especially from the religious point of view.

Hadith 1:28
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."

As a teenager, it seemed that being a woman was a curse and everything associated with it meant I would be treated badly. Moreover, the guys I hung out with treated me better when I was not all ‘girly’ as they said. I would be privy to all their indiscretions, dirty street language, newest trends in ‘poondi’, crank calling, and name calling girls. Sigh!

There are things I am ashamed of. Times when the guys talked mean about the ‘girly girls’ and I never stopped them. Or they would indulge in ogling and instead of admonishing them I would be a part of the group, even agreeing that if ‘they’ dressed or acted a certain way, it was to get attention from the guys. It was a perfect case of women being ‘they’ for me.

Statements like, bad driver, duh! Of course, a woman; cranky like a typical woman; my boss is so mean, if only there was a man in her place; or telling some guy who is very emotional, fussy, or loves gossip, stop being a woman all came out without a thought. I’m sure others can add up thousands of such comments we hear in our daily lives. I guess I had a bad case of HGS!

It would probably have continued if I had not met with men who actually did not treat me like one of them, and wanted me to be the woman our patriarchal society dictates. These men wanted me to, be their pet, look pretty, learn to cook, be docile, have less opinions or in some cases no opinions and still understand the male psyche of using women like tissue papers, because hey, this is what women are made for. Remember, women dressed pretty and acted a certain way for the entertainment of the men.

This shift in my circumstances, from considering women as the other, to being a ‘woman’ myself played a huge role in my understanding of how our society literally forces us into a mould. And how great a role men play in maintaining the status quo. Now, when I hear some young women go on and on about how they are not girls because they don’t wear makeup, or don’t wear high heels, or don’t watch dramas or indulge in gossip etc etc, I let them know that they are not alone!

Confessions, fear & need for approval

I have a dislike for religious extremism and patriarchy. Rather, if it wasn’t for the rampant patriarchy in religion, and a firm belief at age 11 that Allah was indeed a man and hence the inequality between men and women, I might still have been a religious person, albeit a moderate one. For this very reason I had to hear countless lectures from friends, family, even acquaintances that I will end up being a lonely feminist.  ‘Lonely’ because men do not like women who question too much, especially if questions are somehow targeting their perception and understanding of freedom. And if men don’t like me, it means they will not woo me, and I will die an unhappy, cranky spinster like Ms Shaheen at my school.

This brings us to this extreme disdain society as a whole has against remaining single, especially in case of women. It has so many negative connotations attached. A single woman is a woe, a burden on society, and only now have I been able to rationalize this for myself a little. I figure that women in this patriarchal society only have importance as baby machines, and if they are not producing babies, they are a burden on the resources, on the family and on a society. And related to this same idea of single women being a burden, problem, temptation, etcetera etcetera are many other negative ideas, stereotypes and biases.

One idea that always annoys me, is how people keep arguing that a strong single woman who abides by rules is actually doing so because she ‘needs some’? It sounds to me the height of sexism and I have never been able to rationalize it, no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, the same traits in a man are considered a virtue. He is a man of principle, is the usual description of men who abide by rules, not that they are stuck up and need to get laid.

The other thing that bothers me is looking at some women whimpering around angry men. I observed this around me that often women try to compromise on anything and everything – with fault or without – at home, at work, in public places. Rather if women do not do so, they are looked at as domineering and controlling. However, again it seems that what is considered a good thing for a man, namely being controlling and domineering, it turns into a vise when a woman is domineering and controlling. It stupefies me to witness this imbalance and cruelty.

And last but not the least, the most cumbersome I find are the women who despite understanding (I could be totally wrong here though) misogyny and sexism, continue to tolerate sexist jokes, sexual innuendos and outright objectification of women. By the way, during my teenage years I have laughed at sexist jokes, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to admit that. It took me a while to realize that the more I laughed, the more guys got leeway, to the point where I myself became a direct object of ridicule for them. However, my excuse was I was hardly exposed to feminism at that time. I did not have unlimited access to the internet and the school library had more ‘Sweet Valley’ books and ‘Disney programs’. Meanwhile, the society insisted on feminism being an evil idea which corrupts girls and reduces them to lonely crackpots or lesbians (And I have nothing against lesbians, rather I am pro LGBT rights - thought a disclaimer was necessary here).

May be I should reconsider my assessment of other girls in that matter, although, in case of women with unlimited access to internet in this age of information, I find it difficult to forgive them. Most of us suffer from the fear of being rejected and are always striving to find approval for things we do or say, though the extent to which a person would go for this varies. I am willing to consider the idea that some girls do not want to be labeled as uptight feminists who are of course unpopular among most men, and hence laugh more than necessary on sexist jokes. What I cannot forgive them for, is joining the ranks of the men who are indulging in sexist behavior and pointing fingers at feminists for being too uptight. This behavior gives the already bloated male ego a boost. Some people do not want to be rejected by the society; some don’t want to be rejected by their family, friends or acquaintances. Staying quiet is fine, but the fear of rejection should not be an excuse to join the ranks of the aggressors.

Misogyny starts bottom up & stays there

When it takes women to take off their clothes to be heard; or be stoned so the world knows their plight or gang raped to mark justice; no wonder most men think they are ‘not’ misogynists. These standards for being considered misogynists start bottom up and stay there. Only rapists, killers and physically abusive men are misogynists. The rest are innocent bystanders or observers with tied hands, blind eyes and sewn shut mouths.

They are mere jokers, who laugh and have fun while objectifying women, vilifying women, or shouting down on them. Oh these men, who are the victims of a patriarchal society, which incidentally, is also made up of some misogynist women. Hence, if some women can be misogynists, these men must not be judged harshly, or they will break, or might even die of suffocation.

Who will they speak to if they are told they were wrong and are continuing to be so? Won’t they just lose all their dignity and honor if they were questioned? Who can dare to correct them? Not a weak, puny woman. How dare she? How dare she question the man when she sees other women vilifying women too? Oh, how dare she use the word misogyny? How can she call a man a misogynist, when he has a wife, a girlfriend, a sister or a daughter? Has she forgotten those men who used to kill their daughters at birth? Why can she just not accept what she has been given humbly? She lives far better than how her ancestors lived.

Women, they just cannot accept they are weak physically and mentally. They cry and become upset not because they suffer injustice, but because they are psychopaths. They love violence. History is littered with how they waged war against other women and destroyed civilizations. How they raped, killed and fought each other on land, food, men.

‘These women are just misandrists, not feminists. Feminism is just a charade for them to hide their hatred for us poor, humble and innocent men. I am a feminist too, and being a man I understand far better what feminism stands for, as well as what women suffer. She is just an imbecile who thinks she understands and knows too much. But ask me, I know, she is just a misandrist. She is a radical feminist, probably a lesbian who needs some. She hates men. She wants women to be treated better than men’.

I just got done watching 'Stoning of Soraya M' and I realized how every day some woman suffers for the mere fact that she was born with the 'wrong gender'. But the world only hears when the crime against the woman is too atrocious and obvious and of the highest order. Be it female infanticide, honor killing, rape etc. Mental abuse, harassment at workplace or in public areas, domestic violence, marital rape and much more goes unnoticed and unheard.