Domestic violence is an exaggeration

When I mentioned the recent article on Dawn.com ‘These women stayed in abusive marriages because Pakistan failed them’ and quoted HRCP for saying 90% women face some form of domestic violence, I was told it doesn't happen this much because:

1. nobody in this room beats their wife: This makes sense to all those who feel they are being held responsible for something they did not do. Violence against women should not be mentioned to keep the fragile egos of such people intact.
2. they've never seen it happen: Of course if you have never seen a woman getting a public beating, it means it cannot even happen in the privacy of her room. It simply means crazy feminists are making up things because they are PMSing.
3. I have never seen it happen and I cannot believe what I have not seen: I should only believe what I see. I can only talk about domestic violence if I see 10 women being beaten on the road daily. 
4. I am not a domestic violence victim myself: If I have not experienced it, other women have not experienced it either. I have to be a domestic violence victim myself or at least my mother has to be one for me to actually believe there is such a thing as widespread domestic violence.
5. women abuse women more than men: Men cannot be as aggressive as women, so of course it is the women who are beating the shit out of other women and the innocent men are getting blamed just because feminists are misandrists.
6. yelling is not abuse because the woman yells back too: If a woman can yell back she is not a victim and should not be considered abused. The only victims are those who can take it quietly.
7. even men cannot lodge an FIR in this country so it’s not a gender issue: It is not just the women who cannot access justice, men cannot access justice either and so it means women are not facing domestic violence.
8. 90% men in this country cannot be abusive: It is impossible to comprehend that such a large male population can be aggressive. If my friends don't beat their wives, domestic violence is a myth.
9. it’s not an urban issue: It may happen a bit in the rural areas, but urban women like my wife and my sisters are very empowered and do not face this issue.
10. it’s not an Urdu speaking issue: Punjabis and Siraikis have a culture to beat their womenfolk, whereas Pathans sell their daughters and can kill them whenever they feel their women have dishonoured them. 
11. there are 20 women in their acquaintance and only one has ever told of abuse: If a majority of women are not talking about being abused, it is not happening. Stop being a feminazi. 
12. it is an exaggeration by HRCP: HRCP is anti-Pakistan and so it highlights all the negative things about this country. 
13. HRCP is headed by Asma Jahangir who is an abusive woman: If Asma Jahangir can use abusive language, other women can too and it means they are all lying about domestic violence happening at such a massive scale.
14. children are abused more: Talk about other issues.
15. men are also abused: Make a hashtag #ViolenceAgainstHumans.
16. our wives abuse us: Women abuse as well, so it makes things equal.
17. shouting or yelling is normal discussion not abuse: This is how we talk now because women no longer have patience the way they are supposed to have. 
18. women are empowered in cities: Rural women are insignificant and can be ignored, it is the urban women who matter.
19. women are not as powerless as feminists want us to believe: Everything the feminists tell us is a lie, women are not considered The Second Sex.
20. women beat back men too: Some women beat back men and so women are not victims.
21. they heard a neighbour crying when his two wives were beating him: Algebra is wonderful. If the same number of men are being abused by women, it means nobody is a victim.
22. Dawn.com is not credible: Talking about domestic violence means one likes lies and sensationalism. 
23. women have a habit to exaggerate: Women are inferior mentally and physically and like to seek attention which is why domestic violence has been created by feminists to remain relevant.

Violence against women is a reality that is often shrugged off even in well-educated circles. Mostly people want one to cite statistics and numbers to prove that it happens as much as ‘feminists’ say it happens. And when the numbers are quoted, most people dismiss them by saying they are fuzzed or unrealistic. If that doesn’t shut the feminists up, there are always a million other topics that are more worthy of attention and discussion compared to the silly, stupid, abusive women who have nothing better to do but complain.

Pads are not a luxury

Students of Beaconhouse National University recently protested against the stigma attached with menstruation and used one of the accessories needed by women in ‘those days’. They stuck sanitary pads on the walls of the institution to talk about something that is hidden behind a lot of negative mythology, especially in our part of the world. 

The students dared to talk of the unaesthetic biological process that is directly connected to fertility, something without which the world cannot move forward. No new brilliant brains will be born, no new astronauts made or engineers or doctors if this process did not exist. At least! not yet. But still, unlike the Neolithic people of Çatalhöyük, we chide those who bleed once a month.

We can say in religion that under a mother’s feet is the way to paradise, but we cannot really wrap our heads around the process which enables her to bring that paradise to life. We simply hate menstruating women, but we also hate those who are beyond that age and hence of no benefit to men who want to continue spreading their seeds, whether they are needed or not. We can easily ‘bitch’ about them when we feel like, especially if we have a bloated male ego.

So it is not a wonder that Shaan Taseer was very upset with the BNU students. Using his position of power, Taseer spoke of the students as privileged who did not know the situation, as a very small percentage of women in Pakistan uses pads.

In his haste to judge women, especially on their class, Shaan Taseer forgot his own privilege, which was pointed out by a journalist. That did not sit too well with the spoiled brat of the late Taseer and he resorted to further insults to her as a woman, as a feminist, and as a ‘guttersnipe’.

Shaan Taseer forgot that being a male, and that too a privileged one, born to a family known for having an extravagant lifestyle and stealing wages of its workers, he was treading on soft ground. He also forgot that being male he does not menstruate and cannot really tell what a woman goes through or feels when she is told ‘not to touch the Quran’ or ‘to not even think of being an imam at a mosque because of being filthy’.

He does not know how a woman panics if her shirt is stained because she sat for too long or when she forgot her ‘date’. Shaan Taseer apparently does not even know that menstruating is beyond class, caste, or color. Perhaps he is too busy wallowing in his sorrows about his stolen heritage and drowning in foreign booze.

Half the humans of this world menstruate, have menstruated or will menstruate some day. So the protest by the BNU students was very much valid and very much needed. The ill comments made by Shaan Taseer were neither needed nor welcome.

The BNU protest or awareness campaign was labeled un-aesthetic and very displeasing by the bourgeois, who said 'there are aesthetic ways' of doing so. Perhaps wrapping those pads up in brown paper bags would have pleased their aesthetics. Or maybe never even mentioning the word pad could have done the trick.

The ignorance is very striking. Pads are not a luxury, but a necessity. Using branded pads might be a matter of class, but not using homemade pads or some other form of absorbent, including homemade tampons. For almost all the women, Always or Stayfree pads might be considered a ‘luxury item’ due to the cost, which shouldn’t be the case. A woman living in the village, who is turning old rags into a pad, an urban woman who cannot afford pads and is using cotton and cloth, both need access to sanitary pads. (A woman whose salary has not been paid needs money to buy pads and wishes that money was not being squandered by her employer on booze and foreign trips).

If Shaan Taseer had said that a very small percentage of women in Pakistan have access to branded and hygienic pads, it would have made sense. If he had said having access to sanitary pads should not be a matter of privilege, his comment would have been appreciated. Instead of attacking the women who disagreed and the women who protested, had he simply said pads should not be a luxury item, it would have been different.

Sadly, he did not say any of those things and simply used derogatory language and continued to attack whoever tried to intervene or show him the privilege mirror.

And like in all debates, when a privileged male takes a negative stand on something, there are always people who want to come to the rescue of the shehri baboo. In this case the descendent of a man who is considered a martyr by the liberals of this country. Who, we are told was being defended on stealing the wages of Daily Times workers by his son.

.....and they said daagh to achay hotay hein!

Pakistani elites' Queen Bee Syndrome

Pakistan is a class based society, be it under a democratic regime, dictatorship or a somewhat-theocratic regime. We have ministers, who come from feudal or industrial backgrounds most of the time. And our system is made in such a way, where power remains concentrated in the hands of the people, who have been born within certain families, that help them maintain their imperial status intellectually, as well as economically. It creates a system where the privileged feel threatened even by the slight questioning of their ‘rights’ that they have been accustomed to. 

One might encounter several such people on the Pakistan social media sites. Men and women flaunting their political, economic and social status on every occasion they get. Among these, there are certain quasi-empathetic ones. They criticise the elite themselves, but raise up their cudgels and contacts as soon as some middle class person states the obvious, trying to maintain a monopoly even in the virtual world.

Here is a perfect example of one such incident. Where Ayesha Sultana was cyber lynched along with several of her friends and supporters, who dared to talk back to the Pakistani ‘elite’.

The story starts two months ago, when Ayesha, a Pakistani middle class woman living in Canada, received an SOS email from H*, a woman based in Lahore on January 14, 2013. The following is an extract:

 

After receiving the SOS message, the email was forwarded to several ‘vocal’ feminists on social media, especially in Lahore. From asking Ayesha to ignore the email as spam to sending her information about some shelter, the ‘online feminist’ crowd turned out to be disappointing. One of the ‘famous twitteratti’ her words, not mine, was contacted as well. The lady has claimed to have helped several people in her life most of them tend to be ‘former’ acquaintances of hers.

Moving back to the incident that triggered the hashtag CyberBullyAyesha, by the atheist, feminist high school mentality elite crowd, suffering severely from munchausen syndrome (no pun intended). After getting disappointing answers from one of Women’s Action Forum member and the bunch that claims to be radical feminist, custodians of the Pakistan Feminist Watch lynch mob and the high and mighty cyber witch hunters. The said activist sent several messages to people who actually do not brag about what they do for women in real or virtual life.

However, angry and hurt Ayesha chose to use her right to freedom of speech, thankfully provided by Social Media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, to rant against the over-all lack of empathy when it comes to women’s issues. This is what she wrote:

3 days ago, I got an email from this girl in Lahore about abuse that she faced from her teachers at Punjab University. She was scared, she wanted to file the complaint but she didnt know how it would affect her. She was scared of her family as to how they would react. She was completely distressed and distoreted while we communicated further.
I promised her that I will try to find someone in Lahore who can actually help her as I am not aware of the vicinity.
On my search for resources, this is what I observed; The so-called feminists and elites women of Pakistan who have TIME to be indulged in intellectual masturbation all day on theories of feminism & "Oppression Olympics" were TOO BUSY to lend in their contacts for help. They were of the view that we should just throw someone to a "shelter" or be "ignored" not recognizing that shelters are NOT really the greatest option and we can provide better resources of advocacy.
I just fucking sick and tired of these "elite" & "feminist" women for whom "feminism" is an elite badge which they borrowed from middle class white women of the West & who have never done fucking ground work in their sorry ass privileged life except talk about with their "Che Guevara" caps wearing males, how life sucks!!!
#RantOfTheDay

The general statement did come out as a shocker for our ‘Feminist Queen Bees’. Ayesha, without taking any names had hit the heart of the problem, unleashing on herself the wrath of the privileged section of our society, who have far more access to internet and a lot more time due to their, ummm ‘non-worker’ status? The following are the screenshots of the insults and exchanges:

If the fiasco has stopped right there and then, things might have been hunky dory. But unfortunately (for the Pakistani privileged lot), Ayesha was not alone. She was supported by several local as well as international activists who chose to counter the personal attacks being carried out by the ‘disgruntled Queen Bees’ of the Pakistani twitter world; for whom telling Ayesha to go for psyche evaluation came as naturally as crying comes to a newborn baby. They continued to target not only Ayesha, Maleeha and I (not just for supporting her and being anti-class-system, but also for having some mental health problems) but several international activists, including Leila Zahra, Nasreen Amina and Ram Narayan.

Apparently saying cunt, bitch, and invalidating someone for having a mental disability makes the said lady a very good feminist. If the same had been done by someone, who was not friends with the 'elite' crowd, s/he would have been lynched. Here's an example from someone who refused to take any step against the lady above, for it was a personal matter. 

Tweets referring to people as Ayesha’s minions can be viewed here: 

 Maleeha Mengal has been told off by one of the Queen Bee crowd as being a ‘nobody’. In support of Ayesh she said, “We are all here to understand without interacting face to face. Words matter, if you create a hybrid of follies, you will end up making a mock out of yourself. We were there for Ayesha because, we saw, how everyone started calling her a bully when she only questioned their statuses. If they are so keen on their class, so are we, we are not privileged to automatic drifts, we get everything manually, and we go ahead of them. So why hide? Everyone can talk here online, not just the famous or elites. This is the only place where they cannot control the crowd; and we can all follow what we believe in.”

Ram Narayan from India, who works on rights of women prisoners, asked a very valid question, "Why are thy so insistent on putting people in shelters? Cause, THEY run a few and thrive. Seriously.. Dumping women in shelters fuels their own NGO business. And wearing the NGO tag as just that.. A tag."

The internet has created a fissure within the social fabric. In the past due to lack of access to communication devices and means, many people were unable to criticize or directly take to task the people who are the haves in our society. Even today, with 15 percent penetration of internet usage in Pakistan, a large majority does not have a voice to disagree with the decision makers, or even to ask for help against them. Hardly 12 percent of the total population actively use internet and even lesser use it for activism and grassroots movements. To be frank, there are no ‘grassroots’ online.

For anybody who is wondering who Ayesha Sultana is? She's an activist and blogger, who is studying forensic chemistry in Canada. She recently was nominated for the BlogHer International Activist Scholarship and will be presenting her work before a wider audience. For details: http://www.blogher.com/announcing-recipients-blogher-13-international-activist-scholarship

You can also check : http://storify.com/ashsultana/queen-bee-minions-and-elite-feminism

For reading the whole thread where Ayesha was attacked: https://www.facebook.com/goddess.chaos/posts/10151493527635817

Information about the shelter that was recommended for H*: http://aghsblog.wordpress.com/

Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy who won an Oscar filming acid burn victims, was accused of not doing what she promised Rukhsana. The case will remain obscured by conflicting accounts. For in Pakistan, media, judiciary and politicians are all for sale if one can pay the right price: http://criticalppp.com/archives/tag/sharmeen-obaid-chinoy

PS: Before anybody starts jumping the gun. All the screenshots have been made from public posts and were contributed by several people.