Domestic violence is an exaggeration

When I mentioned the recent article on Dawn.com ‘These women stayed in abusive marriages because Pakistan failed them’ and quoted HRCP for saying 90% women face some form of domestic violence, I was told it doesn't happen this much because:

1. nobody in this room beats their wife: This makes sense to all those who feel they are being held responsible for something they did not do. Violence against women should not be mentioned to keep the fragile egos of such people intact.
2. they've never seen it happen: Of course if you have never seen a woman getting a public beating, it means it cannot even happen in the privacy of her room. It simply means crazy feminists are making up things because they are PMSing.
3. I have never seen it happen and I cannot believe what I have not seen: I should only believe what I see. I can only talk about domestic violence if I see 10 women being beaten on the road daily. 
4. I am not a domestic violence victim myself: If I have not experienced it, other women have not experienced it either. I have to be a domestic violence victim myself or at least my mother has to be one for me to actually believe there is such a thing as widespread domestic violence.
5. women abuse women more than men: Men cannot be as aggressive as women, so of course it is the women who are beating the shit out of other women and the innocent men are getting blamed just because feminists are misandrists.
6. yelling is not abuse because the woman yells back too: If a woman can yell back she is not a victim and should not be considered abused. The only victims are those who can take it quietly.
7. even men cannot lodge an FIR in this country so it’s not a gender issue: It is not just the women who cannot access justice, men cannot access justice either and so it means women are not facing domestic violence.
8. 90% men in this country cannot be abusive: It is impossible to comprehend that such a large male population can be aggressive. If my friends don't beat their wives, domestic violence is a myth.
9. it’s not an urban issue: It may happen a bit in the rural areas, but urban women like my wife and my sisters are very empowered and do not face this issue.
10. it’s not an Urdu speaking issue: Punjabis and Siraikis have a culture to beat their womenfolk, whereas Pathans sell their daughters and can kill them whenever they feel their women have dishonoured them. 
11. there are 20 women in their acquaintance and only one has ever told of abuse: If a majority of women are not talking about being abused, it is not happening. Stop being a feminazi. 
12. it is an exaggeration by HRCP: HRCP is anti-Pakistan and so it highlights all the negative things about this country. 
13. HRCP is headed by Asma Jahangir who is an abusive woman: If Asma Jahangir can use abusive language, other women can too and it means they are all lying about domestic violence happening at such a massive scale.
14. children are abused more: Talk about other issues.
15. men are also abused: Make a hashtag #ViolenceAgainstHumans.
16. our wives abuse us: Women abuse as well, so it makes things equal.
17. shouting or yelling is normal discussion not abuse: This is how we talk now because women no longer have patience the way they are supposed to have. 
18. women are empowered in cities: Rural women are insignificant and can be ignored, it is the urban women who matter.
19. women are not as powerless as feminists want us to believe: Everything the feminists tell us is a lie, women are not considered The Second Sex.
20. women beat back men too: Some women beat back men and so women are not victims.
21. they heard a neighbour crying when his two wives were beating him: Algebra is wonderful. If the same number of men are being abused by women, it means nobody is a victim.
22. Dawn.com is not credible: Talking about domestic violence means one likes lies and sensationalism. 
23. women have a habit to exaggerate: Women are inferior mentally and physically and like to seek attention which is why domestic violence has been created by feminists to remain relevant.

Violence against women is a reality that is often shrugged off even in well-educated circles. Mostly people want one to cite statistics and numbers to prove that it happens as much as ‘feminists’ say it happens. And when the numbers are quoted, most people dismiss them by saying they are fuzzed or unrealistic. If that doesn’t shut the feminists up, there are always a million other topics that are more worthy of attention and discussion compared to the silly, stupid, abusive women who have nothing better to do but complain.

Aasia died despite a burka

She had always lived her life cautiously. The caution began when as a child, her parents did not have enough money to buy her a good brand of watercolours. She persevered with the cheaper one. The colours were still pretty and bright, what if the quality was not the same. And anyway they say it’s not about the tools, but the skills.

Life went on and SLRs turned to DSLRs and those too were out of her range. She lived on. Wanting more out of a picture than what the other person desired. And the picture kept on getting blurred for lack of money. Pictures were blurred, life was dull in cheap paint, and without going to an expensive school, earning good money was out of question.

"Isn't life unfair," she asked Laila, her elder sister. Her friend recently bought a high end professional camera and she had to make do with a point and shoot.
Laila only smiled. Being the older one, she was more accustomed to accepting defeat when it came to affordability of things and life. Pads were expensive and old cloth, even if it caused infection was far cheaper, she thought.

"Why don't you sell some of your work and buy a better camera Naina?" she asked her little sister. Naina was 20 now, not little by any standards. She had bloomed into a beautiful woman, and so many who came from the marriage market to judge Laila as a potential mate for their sons, preferred Naina.

"Baji, but it is still not fair that Nilofer can buy whatever she wants and whenever she likes. Abba could have worked harder," Naina said licking off the final speck of chocolate from the wrapper. "I know Nilo's father is in the same office as Abba, but they have a bigger house and so many people who help her mother in the house. She doesn't have to do the cooking and cleaning like Amma does. And Nilo never has to help with anything in the house, it is always the maids, chef, and drivers."

Laila smiled her patient smile. She knew the works of Nilofer's father. If he had a chance, he may even sell his daughter to the highest bidder and throw in his wife as a bonus. Did he not pimp his wife out to the boss to get an extension before his retirement?

In this little world of theirs, life was such. The black hearted lived a better life. It was fate, maybe karma, or perhaps just god.

"Abba is too old to work now Naina, maybe when you find a very good job, you can buy all the things you have ever wanted," she told the younger one.

Jobs in the market were hard to find. As a good looking woman, she often received offers of a different kind when her resume reached the desk of a Seth looking for some receptionist or secretary. May they rot in hell, she thought to herself before turning back to her book.

Naina has to be ignored a bit. She will learn, as I did, she thought to herself as she moved on to the next chapter. But Naina had other thoughts. She snuggled up to Laila and whispered if she knows the boy who lived in house number 38.

"His eyes follow me and it is very scary," she whispered to Laila, who almost jumped out of her skin.

"You did not talk to him, did you? Did he ask for your phone number? Don't accept his request on Facebook if he sends one. And don't ever send a picture to him on WhatsApp," the agitated sister said.

These men are lechers; he couldn't have a chance with me so now he is trying for my little sister. She thought of teaching such men a lesson.

In her mind she had punished the man several times. From complaining to his mother to chopping his genitals off. None of this will work though. She thought miserably. Naina needs to be protected, and she will have to do that. Their mother was too inspired by the resident alima of their neighbourhood to do much. At the most she will stop Naina from going to the university and make her do all the housework as punishment for giving the opportunity to men.

Laila did try complaining to her mother about the man from house number 38, and it did not work out well. She recalled the conversation.

"Amma, aunty Farhat's son stares at me a lot." And that was the end of her.

"Junaid is such a nice boy. He can never do that. Maybe if you wore a burqa, such things won't happen with you. Farhat's daughter never has a problem even though she goes in public buses to the university. Only girls who do not wear a burka face this problem. Had Zarina maasi (maid) ever complained of harassment?" the pious mother asked. Zarina was the only maid they had ever been able to afford. A beautiful woman of 40 years with pale eyes and dark-black curls. She used to wear a black burka and came from the nearby katchi abadi.

Laila could not help but think of the often black and blue Zarina. Once she came with a purple eye shedding tears of blood. The maid always said it was her fate. “It is the destiny of the woman to be a subordinate. That is how god ordained it. If this did not happen, we will all go to hell; have you not heard the prophet (pbuh) saw mostly women in hell? For, it is in our nature to be sinful,” Zarina maasi declared, perhaps even happily that her beatings were a way to avoid hell.

What was her story, Laila wondered, forgetting all about her own stories of poverty and abuse. She remembered Zulekha, Zarina’s daughter, who often came with the mother and played with her. She stayed until it was time for the duo to go home.

Zulekha and Laila were the same age. Laila went to school, whereas Zulekha went to a madrasa. She was not even allowed to visit them once she was nine years old, and it all ended abruptly.

“Are you mad? Why will I add him on Facebook or send a picture on WhatsApp? He did ask for my phone number but I ran away,” Naina looked at her elder sister. She was much smarter than Laila, who was an introvert and hardly shared much. Naina knew Laila was harassed by aunty Farhat’s son, even though she never shared with her.

“I know he is not a nice man Laila, he bothers every other girl in the neighbourhood. Remember Aasia? She committed suicide because of him. Junaid told her he will marry her, but he never did. He was only playing with her. Aunty Farhat only wanted a burka clad daughter-in-law and Aasia did start wearing a burka to please her,” Naina disclosed to her ever quiet older sister, whose eyes began shimmering at the tragedy.

“Do you really think Naina that a burka will help us be safe from these eyes?” Laila asked thoughtfully.

“No, not ever, or Aasia would be still alive,” Naina said.

“But was she not already tainted?” Laila inquired.

“No Laila aapi, nobody gets tainted without someone tainting them, burka or no burka,” Naina said forcefully before storming out of the room in anger.

Naina had seen Zarina maasi the other day in the market. A shopkeeper was gesturing with his crotch at the burka-clad-old Zarina when she passed by his shop.

“How does wearing a burka change any of that,” she had thought.


Zulekha's story: http://andaleeb-rizvi.blogspot.com/2012/09/zulekha-wore-burka.html

Jamaat-ud-Dawa loves Pakistan army

This year in January, I wrote about Charlie Hebdo and then I stopped. I stopped because I felt unsafe. I thought of removing my writings from my personal blog because this country, where I chose to live, has no respect for me as a human, let alone as a free-thinking, outspoken, working woman. I did not blog for a long time. Not because there was nothing to write, but because I felt exhausted with dissent.

Is there any good left in Pakistan, I often ask myself, and before I find an answer, something bad happens ---again. In Pakistan, bad is on loop. You get done with the death anniversary of someone or some incident every month, and a new tragedy is added to the mourning list.

Last week on April 24, 2015, we lost T2F founder-director Sabeen Mahmud, who was allegedly shot by 'unidentified' assailants. Her crime, they say, is her involvement or show of solidarity with the Baloch, especially Mama Qadeer, who spoke about the missing persons of Balochistan at the T2F. It has been four days since Sabeen's murder. She has been buried and will probably be forgotten by the time the next tragedy hits us, but do we remember what we were doing in April last year after Hamid Mir was also allegedly shot by the ISI on April 19, 2014?

MQM-H protesting against Geo in front of 
the Jang Press at I.I. Chundrigar Road.

We were, as usual, divided in two groups. One who refused to accept that Hamid was shot by the intelligence agencies, and the other, who alleged that the only people to attack the journalist were the farishtas. Last year, on April 28, 2014, there were countrywide protests by Sunni Ittehad Council (SIC), Mohajir Qaumi Movement-Haqiqi (MQM-H), Ahle Sunnat Wal Jamaat (ASWJ), Anjuman Naujawanan-e-Islam, Pakistan Forces Lovers Forum, Pakistan Awami Tehreek (PAT), and countless other groups, some even from Kashmir, against Geo TV and Hamid Mir. Their clout? One cannot accuse a Pakistani intelligence agency of shooting someone.

The protesters refused to accept that the security agencies of Pakistan could be rogue or even have any rogue elements operating covertly. Their slogan? "We love Pakistan Army: Jamaat-ud-Dawa". We can guess the rest. A humble letter accompanying a metal pellet.

Last year's tags: Christianity, feminism, Islam, men, Pakistan, patriarchy, religion, temptation, women, academics, Army, colonialism, elitism, feudalism, generals, imperialism, India, military, archaeology, architecture, bye-laws, culture, heritage, Moenjodaro, Pink Floyd, Pink Floyd in Pompeii, PPP, Sindh, Sindh Festival, UNESCO, injustice, leftists, liberals, rights, secular, workers, Karachi, Parachinar, Quetta, Shia, Sunni, takfiri, Deobandi, Balochistan, British, Kashmir, nationalism, separatists, colonizers, English speaking, sub-continent, academia, employ-ability, employment, higher education, jobs

Islamabad Political guy intellect-chawal at his best!

Apparently male journalists are threatened so much by women journalists calling out their bullshit online, that they cannot help but send threatening messages on Facebook. Here's an example of a threat received from Moazzam Raza Tabassam for calling him out on my friend Zeeba's post about the treatment meted out to women in IDP camps. This guy is supposedly an editor of Islamabad Political as per his Facebook page. 

The reason Zeeba and I deserve this attention is because we refused to be 'diplomatic women' who live in the Pakistani 'intellectual society', and we dare to ask some 'male chauvinists' what they mean when they are being 'intellect-chawals' (A brilliant term coined by another friend of mine Mariam).

Here's the brilliance of our 'dear experienced journalist Moazzam' again:

Just in case this screen-capture was not enough for the delight of your mental-senses. Do read the rest of the thread for some more brilliant chawalness here. Unfortunately, Zeeba deleted his attack on my Shia background to protect me from feeling hurt and offended. But I managed to get that information too.

I suppose men just cannot tolerate women having brains, because they are conditioned into accepting women only as showpieces. The moment women break that stereotype of being only good to look at, their male privilege is under threat and they have to prove their maleness by hook or by crook.